Jonathan Coulton
Patient Zero
[Verse 1]
They served you champagne like a hero
When you landed, someone carried your bag
From here on out, you're patient zero
Smelling ether as they hand you the rag

[Chorus 1]
Life is good
You look around and think
I'm in the right neighborhood
But, honey, you just moved in
Life is grand
And wouldn't you like
To have it go as planned?
Go as planned

[Verse 2]
Hip hip hooray, hocus pocus
With some magic you can fly through the air
But when you're the guy pulling focus
There are people who will wish you weren't there

[Chorus 1]
Life is good
You look around and think
I'm in the right neighborhood
But, honey, you just moved in
Life is grand
And wouldn't you like
To have it go as planned?
Go as planned
[Bridge]
Go west, young man
Go west, take a real screen test
Doesn't count as a job well done
The locusts had their day
The suckers pay and pay
Carmen Sternwood probably pulled that trigger for fun

[Chorus 2]
And in the hills where hope is such a constant companion
Close enough to almost touch the lights of the canyon
The lights of the canyon

[Verse 3]
But news filtered over the transom
That a villain ended up with the part
You paid your respects like a ransom
To a moment that was doomed from the start

[Chorus 1]
Life is good
You look around and think
I'm in the right neighborhood
But, honey, you don't belong
Life is grand
And wouldn't you like
To have it go as planned?
Go as planned
[Chorus 2]
And in the hills where hope is such a constant companion
Close enough to almost touch the lights of the canyon
The lights of the canyon
The lights of the canyon
The lights of the canyon
The lights of the canyon