Jonathan Coulton
Braindead Recap songs (Full)
[Episode 2 Recap]
Previously on Braindead...
Some kind of meteor came down, no one knows where it's from They shipped it off so they could study it in Washington
Guess what, it's filled with space bugs, now they're loose and eating people's brains
Poor Laurel only wants to make her documentaries
She's out of money so she works for Luke, her brother
He's a Democratic senator, she listens to constituents complain
Gareth is working for Red Wheatus, who's a senator,
A Southerner, a Republican, a drunk.
The government is shutting down, until they find a workaround The deal they made looks like a slam dunk
But space bugs crawl into Red's brain and start controlling him
He steals a Democrat and flips him to Republican.
The shutdown happens and now everybody's mad again
Laurel discovers Scarlett's sleeping with her brother and
It looks like Scarlett probably has a space bug problem too.
You know your day was lousy when somebody's head explodes on you

[Episode 3 Recap]
Previously on Braindead
Remember how there was a meteor from outer space?
Brain-eating space bugs roam around as if they own the place
Red Wheatus is controlled by them but Gareth, Luke, and Laurel aren't yet
Does Laurel like him? Kind of, sorta, maybe, yes she does
They rock the Tax Prom, it's the lamest prom there ever was
They scheme against each other and they end up with some feelings they regret.
Laurel sees two old friends, for a while she pretends, but Abby isn't who she used to be
Something really isn't right, she went crazy overnight
Now she's having Stacey back for tea
Ella calls for Luke's replacement
Scarlett thinks that sex is gross
Gustav starts investigating when a second head explodes.
That's all the time I have because this episode's too long.
[Episode 4 Recap]
Previously on Braindead...
Gareth and Laurel sitting in a tree...
Oh right, that meteor that came here from beyond the stars
DC is filled with bugs that eat your brains and dig The Cars.
They crawl into your earholes, control your thoughts unless your head explodes.
Infected people keep infecting people who are not.
Gustav is maybe not a doctor
"No, but I read a lot"
A bug was in the CAT scan
Their sense of calm and confidence erodes.
Ella's infected too, apparently the bugs want her to
Embroil Luke in a battle for control.
Abby's views got so extreme since she joined the space bug team
So Laurel knows these bugs are on a roll.
A tender moment there when Laurel thinks that Gareth's dead Gustav plays The Cars and tapes red Solo cups around his head. I've never seen two grown men share a candy bar like that.
Have you no sense of decency?
My God, you monsters, not the cat!

[Episode 5 Recap]
Previously on Braindead...
That meteor's filled with bugs, now they're in DC
Deep inside your brain is where they long to be...
Gustav continues to investigate the best he can
Rochelle's surprised to find a space bug in the cat CAT scan. Symptoms include balance problems, mind control, and major hearing loss
Anthony's with the FBI, handsome fellow it's maybe why
Gareth digs up dirt that he recalls.
After Abby's suicide, Anthony's by Laurel's side,
You can count of him when booty calls
Luke shuts down the shutdown and it really really angers Red. Gareth also has a special friend (special sexy friend)
Anthony seems great but wait, why can't he hear what Laurel said? "What'd you say?"
Exploding heads, blood pressure meds, a brand new screwworm, bro
The guy who pulled a knife is just a fan of public radio
[Episode 6 Recap]
Previously on Braindead...
Well it happened, it finally happened
Laurel got bugs in her brain
Guess I didn't see this coming
This isn't supposed to happen to the main character
I hope her head does not explode
Like other heads exploded thrice before.
Abby's dead, Stacey infected,
Gareth's jealous and rejected,
Mean old Anthony got face punched out the door.
There's no one left to dry your tears.
Hide your heart, protect your ears.

[Episode 7 Recap]
Previously on Braindead...
I don't know why you were so worried, everything is fine
Rochelle and Gustav found the right solution just in time
Some drinking and some dancing, and some awkward sex, and now the bugs are gone
Remember Gustav heard the hearing aid that squawked
And how he theorized high frequencies is how the space bugs talked
Well now he modified an iPhone and can find them when he walks around DC
(By combining long-tone LC capacitors with crystal resonators Gustav found he could maintain good frequency stability by cross-canceling mutually destructive sine waves)
Let's just check every cherry blossom tree

[Episode 8 Recap]
Previously on Braindead...
Somebody told you that this head exploding thing exists
And now you're worried that it comes from bioterrorists.
You argue about politics with coworkers with whom you disagree
Get the space bugs in your head (Space bugs in your head)
Get the space bugs in your head (Space bugs in your head)
"Some people with space bugs in their head experience stumbling, loss of balance or loss of hearing in one hear this is normal since part of your brain has to come out somewhere" "some people with space bugs in their head report an aversion to sex and also alcohol plus an interest in vegetables, vegetable juices and the curative properties of juicing in general"
Get the space bugs in your head (Space bugs in your head)
Get the space bugs in your head (space bugs in your head)
[Episode 9 Recap]
Previously in my life
I woke up late and had a smoothie like I always do
I watched an episode and wrote a recap song for you
Some space bugs crawled inside my ears and made my head explode, and now I'm dead.
Kevin comes to get Rochelle; she fights back, gives him hell
With a turkey leg that's in her freezer door
They tie him up and make him talk, let him go and watch him walk
To secret room SRB-54.
(Everybody)
Part of the committee looking into all the head exploding gets a briefing that it isn't Syrians at all,
The witnesses are fake and Luke is thinking he should leak it and tells his sister and his dad if they can help him make the call
Complicated love and hate between the king and queen,
The way they get it on's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

[Episode 10 Recap]
Previously on Braindead...
There's hardly anyone who's acting normal anymore.
Red wants to stir things up with Syria and start a war.
Ella's drawing pictures of the doe-eyed baby seals that make her sad
"This is what a baby seal looks like"
Laurel can't understand why Luke's such a philanderer
His wife is pregnant, he should be a better man to her
Their father is infected too, and proud of it, and Laurel's ripping mad.
No one will talk about it, even Gareth's frozen out
Of Red's war room SRB-54
When you're a conservative it's not easy to forgive
The time she hankey-panked with Michael Moore
(Yeah, baby... I wanna turn your swing state all blue
Oh yeah, treat me like Flint Michigan)
Just because you love him doesn't mean you have to marry him, you can still have sexy times in an empty planetarium.
Bits of the special prosecutor's brains are everywhere
Important note to self: remind me not to use Red's Tupperware.

[Episode 11 Recap]
Previously on Braindead...
Wow so much happened to these characters on the show
Maybe some brain bugs, maybe kissing, truth is I don't know
it's getting way too stressful, so I took a break and watched another show
Previously on Gunsmoke...
Handsome US Marshal Matt: perfect posture, kick-ass hat
Struggles when a gunman comes to town
Amarillo's Sheriff Jim bravely tries to take him in
The bad guy draws too fast and shoots him down
Matt gets beaten too and then he has to spend a week in bed Doctor thinks he's better, but he takes his pulse and shakes his head.
His friends say, Matt you're crazy, don't be prideful, walk away
He just shoots him by the stairs and justice lives to fight another day

[Episode 12 Recap]
Previously on Braindead...
Gareth sees Red do something weird he's never seen before.
Hey, here's a life hack: Got a secret? Maybe close the door
He spills it all to Laurel, who feels better knowing he feels crazy too.
After they draw out the queen, hit her with a magazine
She's bleeding and she's injured but not dead.
Luke meets with the CIA, "We know about the bugs" they say Except for, whoops, they're in cahoots with Red.
Gareth's freaking out so Laurel hugs him in her bedroom clothes. Dean is proudly filled with bugs and Laurel knows he knows she knows.
Red really wants a piece of what that Tupperware contains
When I am in a meeting, please don't ever mention monkey brains

[Episode 13 Recap Song]
Once the end was coming; now at last the end is here
Ella's dead but at least there's not a space bug in her ear.
Looks like Red is finally feeling better,
Luke's all fired up and lean and mean
Gareth's glad that Laurel said she'll stay and see it through.
She tells Rochelle and Gustav that she knows just what to do
While they scheme the clock is ticking
Here in this fair brownstone where we lay our scene.
"I know what their plan is and I think I know how to stop it"
"Okay?"
"38 days, their countdown clock said 38 days... I knew it sounded familiar"
"War, 38 days to start a war"
"No the war was a distraction, the internment camps were a distraction, they were never for internment, they were hothouses" "A distraction from what?"
"shhh shh shh ah god" *Bangs*

[Episode 13 Finale]
Some things got much better while some other things got worse Let's tie up some loose ends while the space bugs all disperse
All the head explosions notwithstanding, mostly everything turned out alright
Laurel's leaving politics, she's tired of DC
Someday she might finish her dream documentary
She and Gareth got a place together, they kiss and canoodle every night.
"How many kids do you want?"
"Zero... Why? how many kids do you want?"
"The normal amount... like, five or six"
Red made some mistakes but never really paid the price
Stayed on as a senator, got re-elected twice.
Easily distracted, not intelligent as such.
Turns out having half a brain doesn't matter all that much
"Well, I'm not a scientist, am I? so I can't tell you 100% whether global warming is real but... doggy woggy, there is doggy woggy Why can't I have a doggy woggy?
What I mean is that there are those who believe that global warming is a conspiracy put forth by the Chinese. You tell me"
Same for all the senators: who needs a perfect brain,
Powerful and stupid but at least they're not insane.
Somehow everything still holds together even when it's running off the rails.
Dean lost something precious and it really took a toll
He'd gladly trade his Parkinson's for partial mind control,
So the ending isn't perfect but at least there's love and kindness when it fails.
You can vote your conscience, you can vote to make a point,
Or cut and dry your principles and smoke them like a joint
Although we rarely rise to be the best that we can be
Just stand up and be a citizen, it's called democracy
Luke is forced to leave but got a better offer right away,
Wall Street firm with slightly fewer principles and higher pay
Laurel came to help him right before another market crash
When everyone was long on risk and dumbly, sadly short of cash
But that's another story that they'll write someday, I'll bet
And as for all the space bugs, well so far nobody's seen them yet