[REBECCA]
What's a girl to do when she's stuck between men
It's like she's a Barbie with two perfect Kens
But wait, it just occurred to me
Maybe I can solve this with geometry
Yes, smarts can help this sitchywation untangle
So professors: teach me
The math of love triangles
(spoken)
Yay, time for book facts!

[TEACHERS]
A triangle is a polygon
With three edges and three vertices
Take the base times the height, cut that in half
To find the area of the surfaces

[REBECCA]
Uh-huh, I wasn't really listening, but I can see
The center of the triangle is lil' ol' me!

The math of love triangles
Isn't hard to learn

[TEACHERS]
You're not taking in what we're saying
We're a little bit concerned
[REBECCA]
Yes, the math of love triangles
Is as simple as can be
Whichever Tom or Dick I might pick
The center of the triangle is lil' ol' me!

[TEACHERS]
Actually a triangle has multiple centers

This triangle's scalene

[REBECCA]
That's astute
So I need to decide which man's more acute

[TEACHERS]
Here's Pythagoras' Theorem

[REBECCA]
Will this help me choose?
If not I'll be swinging from a hypote-noose

[TEACHERS]
Let's take a look at what this line bisects

[REBECCA]
Is that spelled B-I-S-E-X?
[TEACHERS]
Those are good puns but please pay attention

[REBECCA]
Oh no, professors, am I facing suspension?
Whee, a swing! It's literal suspension!

The math of love triangles
Isn't hard to learn

[TEACHERS]
We're starting to suspect
You don't sincerely want to know about triangles

[REBECCA]
Yes, the math of love triangles
Is as simple as can be
I need to choose between men, but until then
The center of the triangle is lil' ol' me

Is this a triangle?

[TEACHERS]
No, that's a shoe

[REBECCA]
Is this a triangle?
[TEACHERS]
No, that's you

[REBECCA]
So I'm a triangle?

[TEACHERS]
What? No

[REBECCA]
One, two, three, six, eight, three, go!

[MATT, spoken]
You don't seem to know how to count

[SCOTT, spoken]
We are sincerely worried about you

[REBECCA]
Catch me!

[JEFF, spoken]
You're ruining the number!

[TEACHERS]
This angle's right

[REBECCA]
Which angle's right?

[TEACHERS]
No, not right like correct

[REBECCA]
Ooh, are you erect?

[TEACHERS]
No, 90 degrees

[REBECCA]
That's really erect!

The math of love triangles
Is super duper fun

[TEACHERS]
We're tired of all your tangents
That's also a triangle pun

[REBECCA]
Ooh, thanks for teaching me man math!
You all deserve a kiss

[TEACHERS]
Lady, we're all gay
We get nothing out of this

[REBECCA]
Neither man will notice
My learning disability
'Cause the center of the triangle
Is lil' old
Sexy little baby
Me!