(Prelude)
[DARRYL]
Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh uh huh uh huh

[MRS. HERNANDEZ]
Oh God, this is gonna be gross

(Song)
[DARRYL]
My sperm is nice and healthy
In terms of sperm, I'm wealthy
I'm like Warren Buffett
I got so much of it
That's what my doctors tell me

My point is in a nutshell
Each time I bust, I bust well
I got the quantity
And the quality
No IUD is stoppin' me

'Cause my semen's steamin' like a demon
And all the surrogates be screamin'
Just give me some of that
Premium-grade baby batter
I never splatter
My sperm, my sperm
Is no cause for concern
My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!
Aw shucks! Gee whiz!
I got the best sperm in the biz
My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy

(instrumental break)

(spoken)
[MRS. HERNANDEZ]
Brad, you too?

(Song)
[DARRYL]
Even though I'm no teenager
My boys still throw a rager
They get bottle service
In every cervix
Blowin' eggs up like a pager

Every lady's gettin' fertilized
Got a diaphragm? It's gettin' pulverized
My sperm shines brighter than the sun
So wear special glasses or avert your eyes
Give thanks my tank's not shootin' blanks
I'm in a league of my own, just like Tom Hanks
Not a castaway
But I blast away
That thing I do
Is inseminate you
With my sperm, my sperm
The tests have all confirmed

[LAWYERS]
His sperm is healthy!
His sperm is healthy!

[ALL]
Aw shucks! Gee whiz!
My sperm just aced the quiz
My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy

(Spoken outro)
[MRS. HERNANDEZ]
Congratulations

[DARRYL]
Thank you