[AUDRA]
All of our lives you were toxic
Obnoxious
Now though, you've brought me from nauseous to naches
I'm proud of you, Bunch
You're a grown-up, you got this
Kol hakavod, you're a goddess

[REBECCA]
Me?!
But you're so responsible
Career's on sizzle
Husband, ditto
Three great kiddos
You've got competence, class
Plus a skinny-ass waist
And a toned-ass ass

[AUDRA]
Well, you've got a free spirit, which I see and commend
So, like 2 Chainz without the "NZ" at the end
I wish you double chai
For following the tug
Of the heart behind your 36 triple-D jugs

[REBECCA]
Wow, what a boost for my confidence!
[AUDRA]
Yeah, I mean, I gotta give it up
I'm pretty good at giving compliments

[REBECCA]
Nice bubble, Bubbeleh, I really hate to pop it
But nobody's got a plaudit any hotter than I drop it

[AUDRA & REBECCA]
This is...

[AUDRA]
A JAP praise fight

[AUDRA & REBECCA]
Half affirmation

[REBECCA]
Half cage fight

[AUDRA & REBECCA]
Killing you with kindness

[AUDRA]
Yeah, you're dang right
[AUDRA & REBECCA]
It's a head-to-head yasher koach mazel tov off

[REBECCA]
You know what?
Let's squash it, you're awesome

[AUDRA]
Seconded! Same!
Rebecca-wise, my game recognize game

[REBECCA]
Thanks, I appreciate that

[AUDRA]
Yeah, I mean, there's a reason I'm called "Esteem queen Levine"

[REBECCA]
Can it with the accolades-slash-shade-catapulting
You are the one who is great at adulting
All your hard work, ultimately resulting in triumph

[AUDRA]
Damn, that's some sneaky insulting
Skip the emotional judo
I am the B. Knowles-Carter of kudos
[REBECCA]
I'm the Lebron James of acclaim

[AUDRA]
Then you might as well call me the Michelle of the kvell

[REBECCA]
Go to hell!

[AUDRA & REBECCA]
This is...

[AUDRA]
A JAP cheer scrimmage

[AUDRA & REBECCA]
Like a rap battle

[REBECCA]
But the mirror image

[AUDRA & REBECCA]
Both of us'll feel great

[AUDRA]
When we're finished

[REBECCA]
Giving a dope-slap of dap to this JAP...

(Spoken)
Which does stand for Jewish-American Princess, a term that, on one hand, does reinforce negative, negative stereotypes about both Jews and women but, on the other hand, is a term that we want to reclaim and own. Also, should acknowledge that me saying “dap to this jap” is appropriative and a little problematic, if we’re being honest

(Sung)
This is touchy stuff and it's pretty complicated
But I noticed the dynamic and I thought that I should name it
Just like I hated you, but now I kinda like you
This song's another thing I can see two sides to

[AUDRA]
Terrific self-awareness

[REBECCA]
Knock it off, Audra!
You never stop, do you?

[AUDRA]
Can't and don't wanna

[REBECCA]
You're a wonderful lady
But an insufferable baby

[AUDRA]
Should we make out?

[REBECCA]
What?! No!
Maybe...