[Guard, spoken]
Alright, when I call your name, step forward
Pinocchio, the puppet

[Pinocchio, spoken]
I'm not a puppet
I'm a real boy

[Guard, spoken]
That's your patch of mud down there

[Pinocchio, spoken]
Oh, dumped on a swamp
Man I tell you sometimes being a fairytale creature sucks pine sap

(sung)
Life is disappointing
Woe is what I know
Outed by my nose
That's just how it goes
For poor Pinocchio

Story of my life
Always doomed to fail
Cheated by a fox
Swallowed by a whale
That's the story of my life, oh yeah
That's the story of my life
[Shoemaker's Elf]
Strife is never ending

[Guard]
Peter Pan

[Peter Pan]
Banished
From the town

[Guard]
Ugly Duckling

[Ugly Duckling]
They dragged me from the pond

[Fairy Godmother]
They broke my magic wand

[Three Little Pigs]
They blew our condos down

[Guard]
Wicked Witch

[Wicked Witch]
Life is but a witch hunt
[Mama Bear]
Mama's in the mud
Mama's in distress

[Mad Hatter]
They ridiculed my hat

[Three Little Pigs]
They said that we were fat

[Big Bad Wolf]
They tore my cotton granny dress
And called me a hot and tranny mess

[Guard]
Sugar Plum Fairy

[All]
Story of my life
Booted from the ball
Told to go away

[Humpty Dumpty]
Tumbled off a wall

[All]
But that's the story of my life
[Guard]
You're late rabbit

[White Rabbit]
That's the story of my life

[Guard]
Have fun you guys

[All]
That's the story of my life

[Guard]
And remember
If we find you back in the kingdom, you will be executed

[All]
I always dreamed I'd get a happy ending

[Wicked Witch]
And this right here, not how it goes

[All]
I always dreamed I'd get an ever after
If this is it, it blows
It blows
It blows
It blows

[Pinocchio]
This is worse than the time I caught Dutch Elm's disease in Tijuana

[All]
Story of my life
All the wasted prayers
All the broken dreams

[Three Bears]
All the broken chairs

[All]
All the damage done

[Three Bears]
All the busted beds

[All]
All the shattered falls

[Three Bears]
And the porridge on our heads

[All]
That's the story of my life, yes sir
That's the story of my life, oy vey
That's the story of my
Life

[Pinocchio]
Crap