"Uncle mac, will you read us a bedtime story?"
No! You guys are like 28, move out of your mom's basement!

I once knew a guy named Bareknuckle Chris
82 pounds, stood 4-foot-6
He sat up at the bar by himself every night
With a mean attitude and a balled-up fist
Now all around town everybody asked why
He tried to start a fight with everyone that walked by
But he was so small, that Bareknuckle Chris
That he always had a broken nose and two black eyes

People said that he was insecure inside
Full of piss and vinegar and full of male pride
But when the whole town found out about Chris
Every night the bar was full with a line outside
Some brought billy clubs, some brought pipes
And everyone knew that he would never win a fight
Bareknuckle Chris always threw the first punch
But the person always chuckled and punched out his lights

Now Ringside Ripley was 20 years old
A second-rate boxer with gloves made of gold
But he was getting tired of living in the shadows
Of all the Bareknuckle Chris tales that were told
So he went to the pub in a peacock coat
And picked up Bareknuckle Chris by the throat
He waited till the crowd cheered really really loud
Then he punched him so hard that his whole face broke
He held Chris up then he said
"Stand clear! I'm Ringside Ripley, the champ of the year!"
He slammed Chris down on a pinball machine
Then he bought everybody in the crowd a cold beer
Then they hobnobbed through the dark black night
And Ripley told war stories all about his fights
He spent every dollar that he had on the people at the pub
Cause they made his self-esteem take flight

Well, Tank the bartender had a face made of stone
He cut the drinks off and sent everybody home
But everybody went over to Ringside Ripley's
Cause he said he had flying monkey of his own
When everyone was gone tank pulled out a cloth
And washed all the barstools and tabletops off
He saw Bareknuckle Chris laying unconscious
And walked up and said "Time to go home, boy!"

See Bareknuckle Chris came from a tall family
His daddy drank whiskey and bourbon and brandy
He had 2 brothers that were 8 foot tall
So at a young age he had to learn how to brawl
The whole family treated him like he was a disgrace
They slapped him, punched him, and kicked him in the face
Just like the drunks did every single night
When they walked by Chris hoping he would start a fight
See at a young age Chris learned very quickly
How violent by nature that human beings are
So even though he acted like the village idiot
Bareknuckle Chris was the owner of that bar
He didn't want friends, he just wanted revenge
And every time someone came to kick his ass
They acted like a bully but little did they know
They were giving Bareknuckle Chris all their cash

The moral of the story will catch you in a blink
Why the hell do you care what other people think?
Manipulate your own goddamn truth
Package that shit up and sell it to the world

The moral of the story will catch you in a blink
Why the hell do you care what other people think?
Never tell somebody when you have the power
Take their own weakness and sell it back to 'em