[Verse 1]
Dear mom, every time I flow, I'm the bomb
Your favorite website is Bitch.com
I'm too fucking lit to the mow the lawn
I'm gonna make a million off my songs
I'm always right and you're always wrong
So fuck you and my stepdad John
You bought Clark a new truck
But I can't have a PC, what the fuck?
It's only, like, 300 bucks
I even told you I'd pay you back in a few months
But no, you act like a ho
You love Clark more than me, I know
He goes to college, don't remind me
You're gonna regret when Eminem signs me
Mom, I love you, but fuck you
Stop saying "Get a job"—no, bitch, I don't want to

[Interlude]
So, uh, you know I had to respond to that, right?
Ross, son, you need to learn some respect
This rap is for you

[Verse 2]
Dear Ross, why the hell'd you write me all that shit?
Man, you sound like an entitled little prick
I wanna smack you, punch you, and stone you
I swear to fucking God I hope your mother disowns you
What the fuck does she owe you? You're bogus, you slob
You want a new PC? Then go get a job
You're a vermin, you're a reject
Don't insult your mom, bro, learn a little respect
I got on Facebook and searched for your mom
I couldn't find her, but man, if I could, I would write her
And tell her to put you on a bus
So you could come to my house and you could live with us
And you could just be my new son
And every single time you act like an asshole, I'll rip you a new one
If you give me lip, you'll get spanked on the ass
Now do the fucking dishes and take out the trash
[Outro]
And by the way, that rap fucking sucks
Don't ever disrespect your mom with that bullshit again
If you want money, go get a job
If you want a new computer, go get a job
And respect your mom for being a strong woman that raised your little punk ass
Bitch!