[Intro: Puff Puff Humbert]
We like them girls with functioning vaginas
Functioning vaginas
Functioning vagina-ginas
We like them girls with at least two limbs
At least two fuckin' limbs
And one is a leg - what!
We like them girls who can write their name
Write it on a piece of paper
They can write their name, right
We like them girls with functioning vaginas
Functioning vaginas
Functioning vagina-ginas

[Verse 1: Puff Puff Humbert]
I don't give a damn if a dame is ugly as sin
With a bunch of scruff on her chin
And one functioning limb
She could have a hundred babies
From maybe 80 babies' daddies
And crazy acne
I don't need a babe to make me happy
She could be a Russian with a husband
Or even my second cousin
As long as she doesn't bust on my lovin'
End of discussion
She could be dyslexic
With pits that are wretched
I'll even have sex if she's pregnant
As long as her vagina ain't an arid desert (Wow)
[Chorus: Puff Puff Humbert]
We like them girls with functioning vaginas
Functioning vaginas
Functioning vagina-ginas
We like them girls who can eat food, eat food
Give 'em some food and they know what to do next
We like them girls that don't stab, don't stab
Don't stab, don't stab, don't stab
We like them girls with functioning vaginas
Functioning vaginas
Functioning vagina-ginas

[Verse 2: Benatar]
I need a girl
Who can blow her nose and count her toes
And doesn't need help puttin' on her clothes
Walks on the sidewalk, not in the street
Can at least get flip-flops on her feet
A girl that can form real words with her mouth
And color inside the lines
Pass a first grade reading and math test
Don't gotta do the best
She's potty trained and don't mess on the floor
I want her to speak (but less is more)
Know how to think
Know how to blink
Hey girl, whatcha sweatin' me for?
The type of girl I can take outside
My standards ain't that high
A girl that can make out shapes
And knows that rain comes from the sky (Yeah)
[Chorus: Puff Puff Humbert]
We like them girls with functioning vaginas
Functioning vaginas
Functioning vagina-ginas
We like them girls with at least two limbs
At least two fuckin' limbs
And one is a leg - what!
We like them girls who can write their name
Write it on a piece of paper
They can write their name, right
We like them girls with functioning vaginas
Functioning vaginas
Functioning vagina-ginas

[Bridge: Benetar & DeeJay]
Girl, you could have A.D.D (A.D.D.)
But I'll date you if you know your ABC's (Hell yeah)
I need a girl

[Chorus: Puff Puff Humbert]
We like them girls with functioning vaginas
Functioning vaginas
Functioning vagina-ginas
We like them girls who can eat food, eat food
Give 'em some food and they know what to do next
We like them girls that don't stab, don't stab
Don't stab, don't stab, don't stab
We like them girls with functioning vaginas
Functioning vaginas
Functioning vagina-ginas