Santa works all day in his workshop
Making a lot of games and toys
Then one day, he hops in his sleigh
To bring them to the girls and boys
Santa's just as nice as he could be
There's just one stupid thing that worries me

If it doesn't snow on Christmas
How's fatso goin' to use that sleigh
In case of rain, will there be a train
That'll speed him on his way
If it doesn't snow this Christmas
How'll fatso get around to us
Say he breaks down on his way to town
Will they let him use a bus

I sent him a nice long letter
And I hope it's not in vain
I really would feel much better
If the fat fuck flew a plane

Now they say he's got eight reindeer
For the sleigh he's driving here
How'll fatso go, if it doesn't snow
On Christmas this year

I sent him a nice long letter
And I hope it's not in vain
I really would feel much better
If the mooch could fly a plane

Now they say he's got eight reindeer
For the sleigh he's driving here
How'll fatso go, if it doesn't snow
On Christmas this year

If it doesn't snow on Christmas
How is Santa goin' to use his sleigh
In case of rain, will there be a train
That will speed him on his way

People say he has eight reindeer
For the sleigh he's driving here
How'll fatso go, if it doesn't snow
On Christmas this year