[Verse 1: The Nutcracker]
What a story, you changed from a toddler's treat
To a riverside dinner for a fox to eat
But when I gobble I’ve got the vodka to wash your sweets
This time I don't need Tschaikovsky to drop the beat! (Aargh!)
Pray to your Lord Farquaad that he bakes new legs
Because I'm in the mood for dessert, I’ll break two legs!
As the saint in the game, I fought through cold nights!
You pack a candy for a cane, call you Old Spice! (Blegh!)
'Cause you've expired for centuries, a waste of a bake!
I mean kids these days don't even like the way that you taste!
They formed you as a depiction of our baby Jesus?
But you came out the oven looking like Satan's fetus!
Your biggest fear is being soggy, that's what got ya killed
Tonight I'm dunking on ya, and I ain't talkin’ milk
But no wonder you ran away in the first place!
You’re a piece of cake right?
(Knife sound effect)
Happy Birthday!

[Verse 2: The Gingerbread Man]
People look at me and say "Aww, the scrunkly!"
People look at you and say "Nahh, he ugly!" (Yuh!)
Trust me bud, if you don't want to start something
Don’t FUCK with the gum drop buttons!
I see your army standing stiff, like who'd build those?
God save the Queen of England's dildos! (Woohoo!)
When's the last time you showed up on someone’s wishlist?
The only fight you ever took on is the war on Christmas!
I'd bake my troops, but that wouldn't be a fair chase, (What?)
You couldn't get your toy soldiers to invade past the staircase!
How can you rap with those dentures, sheesh!
Would I call an elf or a dentist for those horrendous teeth?
With you luring children out of homes, I'd ask your ballet writer
If he ever intended to put your flute into A minor!
[Verse 3: The Nutcracker]
I respect bakers, so let me put it nicely:
I CAN'T FUCKIN' HEAR YOU, did they slip up on the icing?
Run as fast as you can, there's not a stumbling troop
In my army we're pa-rum-pum-pum-pummeling you!
Your rapping's undercooked, so I'll take center stage
You only carry a hook when you're Krampus's slave!

[Verse 4: The Gingerbread Man]
Yo, where's all the strings and the brass, Nutcracker?
'Cuz now your bars sound like ass, buttcracker!
In the early days, your ballet's release was weak, (True!)
Your premiere made no dough, you want a piece of me?
You make children screech 'til they need a mechanic
Then after a week, you're an antique in the attic
Who got owned by a rodent that snacks on cheese
So let me take you to a land of sweets, take a crack on deez!

[Interlude: The Gingerbread Man]
(Crunch sound effect) What the fuck, you bumpkin-ass sex doll? I could still smack you the fuck u-
(Crunch sound effect) Oh, you think these legs can't dance? I'll kick your little nutsa-
(Crunch sound effect) Bleh, yeah...
FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-