[Intro]
Uh, okay, so this is, like, a very last minute decision, I just kinda was like, "yo, what if I did FDR vs Jerry Seinfeld", so this is all- I don't know how I got here, whatever
Terrible Rap Battles of Comic Sans
Franklin D. Roosevelt vs Jerry Seinfeld
Begin

[Verse 1 - Jerry Seinfeld]
Want a World War-Burton? Joe Swanson can't spit hard
When old grandpas make up his whole fan club
But by now, I'm sure you're used to sitcoms
Cause that body of yours sure ain't fit for stand-up, ayy!
Jerry Seinfeld, unrivaled
Grab a mic, I'll go right into spittin' fire, insightful
Can't hope to fight all my titles, because my comedy's dominant
While you're awful in politics, your dеmocracy flopped to bits
And your policies aren't shit to thе shows that I've landed
So this song, I'll be calling "Punks in Chairs Getting Their Asses Handed"
Step foot in the White House, unemployment went berserk
Jesus, not even your legs wanted to work!
It's your constitutional right to not talk, so use it
Cause that novice Truman drops more bombs than you, man
What are your contributions? We're all just clueless, for real
Left the American people asking "What's the New Deal?"
Got status higher than you during your infamy spiel, cretin
My damn Bee Movie script tops all your boring ass speeches
My old man fought for the Allies, so I'll respect your appeal
But now the only Axises you're battling are on your wheelchair wheels
[Verse 2 - Franklin D. Roosevelt]
You call yourself a comedian? Those jokes were dreadful
The only thing we have to fear is another one of your specials
To hell with your two cents, I'll give you my right dime
I'll need less than four terms to dismantle your tight five
FDR sets the bar extra hard 'gainst this farce
Left in shards when I'm armed, best not harm the pres in charge
500 pairs of sneakers, and still no footing in humor
Just a dried-ass boomer, call you Amy Shoe-mer
I trashed Hitler's whole state, you took silver to Goldthwait
But you must be fed up with all the critics on your plate
I'm the next George Washington, you're ignored over George Costanza
Even Madison would tower over crack Adam Sandler
I led my country through the greatest depths
When the economy crashed harder than the Marriage Ref
Then I beat the world's evil, stirred people up with ill words
And now they pit me up against a safe for work Bill Burr?

[Verse 3 - Jerry Seinfeld]
Let's back it up a tad bit, you cousin-loving fascist
Don't act like your past isn't shrouded in trash, prick
Try rescuing refugees, or if that's too much to ask
At least try not cramping the Japanese in internment camps
You just might be the most racist dude in World War Two
'Cause even Hitler treated Jesse Owens better than you
First man to rep a black card, that's the kinda bank this dude owns
But the only Black guy you ever liked was Hugo
[Verse 4 - Franklin D. Roosevelt]
With that foul rap odor, I doubt you're sober
'Cause you complain about society more than the Joker
And now Gen Z memes cause your legacy to wilt
Change your sitcom's description to a show about your skill
You barely made it, your career was carried thanks to Larry David
And you dare to claim I'm racist, when your fame is dated
Fading ratings, there's no way you'll save 'em, tanked just like your failed relations
Maybe make sure that you babe you crave's of age before you date them
Franklin's undebatedly the greatest man to grace this planet
Your bits make some lame kids laugh, but my words make the stage go frantic
Make you panic, hateful tactics won't supply or aid your rapping
I don't need a cane to grasp, my verbal hooks will take this has-been

[Outro]
Who won?
Who's next?
We decide!
Terrible Rap Battles of Comic Sans... oh
Bye bye!