Otto Titsling, inventor and Kraut
Had nothing to get very worked up about
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak
He fled to the opera at least twice a week

One night at the opera, he saw an Aida
Whose bust was so big, it would often impede her
Bug-eyed, he watched her fall into the pit
Done in by the weight of those terrible tits

Oh my God, there she blows
Aerodynamically, this girl was a mess
Otto eye-balled the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds
And he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration flood his soul
He ran back to his workshop where he futzed and futzed and futzed

For Otto Titsling had found his quest
To lift and mold the female breast
To point the small ones to the sky
To keep the big ones high and dry

Every night, he'd sweat and snort
Searching for the right support
He tried some string and paper clips
Hey, he even tried his own two lips
Well, he stitched and he slaved, he slaved and he stitched
Until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant
Yes, he had invented the world's first over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder
Hooray

Exhausted but ecstatic, Otto ran out to the diva bearing the prototype in his hot little hand
Now, the diva did not wanna try the darn thing on
But, after many initial mishaps, she finally did
And the sigh of relief that issued forth from her mouth
Was so loud that it was mistaken by some to be the early onset of the Seraken Winds
Which would often roll through the Schwarzwald with a vengeance
Ah

But little did Otto know
At the moment of his greatest triumph
Lurking under the diva's bed
Was none other than the very worst of the French patent thieves
Phillip DeBrassiere
And Phil was watching the scene with a great deal of interest

Later that night, while the Brunhilda slept
Into the wardrobe, Phillip softly crept
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore
'Til he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door
Crying, "Oh my God, what joy, what bliss
I'm gonna make me a million from this
Every woman in the world will wanna buy one
I'll even have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan"

The result of this swindle is pointedly clear
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?