(Willy Wonka gathers the ticket winners in the contract room of his factory. No one can go on until everyone has signed a contract of agreement. The families are dazed as Willy explains the rules and regulations with his own brand of somersaulting words.)

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Goodness, is that the time?
(sung)
Our schedule has no room for intros
Languid and rubato
Accelerate right to the verse
And play it molto presto and staccato!

What zigzag roads and fickle fates
Have led you to my chocolate gates?
I’m sure the stories would enthrall
But time is racing by us all
I’d love to rhyme a riddle or two
But there’s so much time, so little to do…
“So much time, so little to do…”?
Please, strike that! Reverse it!
I meant the other way

It doesn’t take a Sigmund Freud
To see I’m charmed and overjoyed
But pardon if I start to fret
We’ve not begun our journey yet
No time to borrow or delay
What’s here tomorrow’s gone today…
“What’s here tomorrow’s gone today…”?
Whoops, strike that! Reverse it!
My tongue has feet of clay
You’ve bid the tasteless world adieu
To chew the goo awaiting you
But scurry for the Wonka clock keeps ticking
Inside those doors the floors are sweet
There’s rugs and carpets you can eat
And best of all the wallpaper needs licking!

This day of punctuality
Is scheduled to the nth degree
I wish that there was time to share
My thoughts on make-up, clothes and hair
(spoken)
Madam…

[MRS. TEAVEE, spoken]
Yes?

[WILLY WONKA]
Sine qua non and entre nous
Your foot is on the other shoe

[MRS. TEAVEE, spoken]
Oh my god!

[WILLY WONKA]
Please, strike that! Reverse it!
Let’s get on with our day
(spoken)
Frau Gloop!
[MRS. GLOOP, spoken]
Oh, Mr. Vonka, Guten Tag!

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Wilkommen. And you must be Augustus.​
Goodness, you look so faaaa…ntastically healthy.​
I could eat you up. Except I’m on a diet.​
Speaking of diets, I must confiscate your sausage.​

[AUGUSTUS, spoken]
But zat’s my lunch!

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Not anymore…
You may go first, but lose the wurst.​

[AUGUSTUS]
That’s sad because I love ‘em

[WILLY WONKA]
To lead our group, Augustus Gloop!
For who could lose sight of ‘im?

[CHARLIE, GRANDPA JOE, VERUCA, MR. SALT, VIOLET, MR. BEAUREGARDE, MIKE & MRS. TEAVEE]
Yes, who could lose sight of ‘im?
[MR. SALT, spoken]
Wonka! Sir Robert Salt! Salt’s Salty Nuts!

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Pleased to meet you, Bob. Peanut business treating you well?

[MR. SALT, spoken]
Well, actually…

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
How interesting. We could talk all day, except we won’t.​
No, I’m joking of course.​
I’m fascinated by nuts. I used to be one myself…
And who’s this adorable tot in a tutu?

[VERUCA, spoken]
Veruca.​

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Like the wart?

[VERUCA, spoken]
The wart has two c’s. I’ve got one.​

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
One wart?

[VERUCA, spoken]
One c!

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
I see.​

[VERUCA, spoken]
U. C.!

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
U.C.! O.K. I see. I say, U.R. going to be fun.
(sung)
It’s a pleasure dear to have you here
Where did you get that mink?

[VERUCA]
Are you for real?

[MR. SALT]
It’s baby seal
That’s clubbed then tickled pink

[CHARLIE, GRANDPA JOE, AUGUSTUS, MRS. GLOOP, VIOLET, MR. BEAUREGARDE, MIKE & MRS. TEAVEE]
It's clubbed then tickled
Clubbed then tickled
Clubbed then tickled pink

[MR. BEAUREGARDE, spoken]
Eugene Beauregarde – please smile for the camera!
And I guess you already know, The Double Bubble Duchess.​

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
How delighted to meet you, Your Grace
And what is it exactly that you do?

[VIOLET, spoken]
I chew.​

[MR. BEAUREGARDE, spoken]
Same gum for the last three years!

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
That’s quite an achievement.​

[MR. BEAUREGARDE, spoken]
It’s a jaw popping world record.​
She’s got her own TV show, line of perfume, and we are opening boutiques all over the world.​
Isn’t she something?

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
She’s certainly something, Mr. Beauregarde. I’m just not sure what.​

[VIOLET]
Hey, just let me in, I’m here to win

[WILLY WONKA]
You like to beat your drum
Your confidence is quite intense
But just don’t jump the gum

[CHARLIE, GRANDPA JOE, AUGUSTUS, MRS. GLOOP, VERUCA, MR. SALT, MIKE & MRS. TEAVEE]
Don’t jump
Don’t jump
Just don’t jump the gum

[MIKE, spoken]
POW POW! Bye bye, blubberboy.​

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Good heavens!

[MIKE, spoken]
Outta my way, old man.​

[MRS. TEAVEE, spoken]
Michael, play nice now!

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Mike Teavee, aren’t you the boy who got your golden ticket by hacking into my computers?

[MRS. TEAVEE, spoken]
Now Mr. Wonka, those are just allegations.​

[WILLY WONKA]
So, Mike, the brain, you must explain
Just how you cracked my system

[MIKE]
Shut up, old coot, I’m tryin’ to shoot
The fat kid… Shoot, I missed him

[CHARLIE, GRANDPA JOE, AUGUSTUS, MRS. GLOOP, VERUCA, MR. SALT, VIOLET & MR. BEAUREGARDE]
Fat, shoot, missed him!

[WILLY WONKA]
It seems that I’ve left someone out
Who else is here, now give a shout

[CHARLIE]
Uh, Mr. Wonka, I’m the last

[WILLY WONKA]
Is least the last to join our cast
(spoken)
Well, who are you?

[CHARLIE, spoken]
Charlie Bucket, sir.​

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Oh, yes.​
Aren’t you the boy who got his ticket at the very last moment?
Don’t leave it so late next time! And you must be his Grandpa Joe?

[GRANDPA JOE, spoken]
At your service, sah!

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Enraptured. Enchanted. Overjoyed.​
Is something wrong?

[CHARLIE, spoken]
It’s nothing, sir.​

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Nothing’s always something, Charlie.​
Except when a person makes something out of nothing.​
Now which is it with you?

[CHARLIE, spoken]
I don’t know.​

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
Are you the sort of boy who makes something out of nothing?

[CHARLIE, spoken]
No, sir, it’s just… You’re not what I expected.​

[WILLY WONKA, spoken]
That’s a coincidence… I’m not what I expected either.​
(sung)
Now, Messers Bucket, Salt and Beauregarde
Madame Teavee and Shatzi Gloop
You’re visitors in my backyard
When shepherding this tiny troupe
And so I look for you to lead
Your future generations
I must insist you hear and heed
My rules and regulations

Outside my doors you’re free to do
The charming things that make you you
The traits that make you each a kid
A mirror of your parents' id
But once inside you must obey
“Do as I do, not as I say…”
Damn, strike that! Reverse it!
Oh, the games the mind can play

[AUGUSTUS]
Which way to the buffet?

[WILLY WONKA]
I’d love to lounge and lollygag
And give each tongue the chance to wag
But I must get you all to sign
This contract on the dotted line
There’s no reprise, the way time flies
To “dot the ts and cross the is…”
No, strike that! Reverse it!
Please ink without delay

[MR. SALT]
May I see the dossier?

[MR. BEAUREGARDE]
And negotiate her pay

[GRANDPA JOE, MRS. GLOOP, MR. SALT, MR. BEAUREGARDE & MRS. TEAVEE]
Sir, what does this contract say?!

[WILLY WONKA]
Well…
The undersigned herein to fore
Cite frippery or force majeure
No property be touched or chewed or peddled

[GRANDPA JOE, MRS. GLOOP, MR. SALT, MR. BEAUREGARDE & MRS. TEAVEE]
What did he say?

[WILLY WONKA]
De facto habeas corpus laws
For you a new grandfather’s clause
Sign there, there, there, there, there
Thank god that’s settled!

[MRS. GLOOP, spoken]
What does he expect us to do?

[MRS. TEAVEE, spoken]
I’m confused.​

[MR. SALT, spoken]
This tempo is preposterous!

[CHARLIE, AUGUSTUS, VERUCA, VIOLET & MIKE]
Just sign!

[WILLY WONKA]
So now the time has come at last
To put the present in the past
It’s time to take the golden tour
And taste the tempting treats du jour
The day is young, the sun is high
And so it’s time to say “goodbye”

[CHARLIE, GRANDPA JOE, AUGUSTUS, MRS. GLOOP, VERUCA, MR. SALT, VIOLET, MR. BEAUREGARDE, MIKE & MRS. TEAVEE]
Goodbye?!?

[WILLY WONKA]
No, strike that! Reverse it!
The next time I’ll rehearse it
Get ready, set and on your marks, let’s go!

[AUGUSTUS]
You’re stupid!

[MIKE]
You stink!

[VERUCA]
I’m winning!

[VIOLET]
You think?

[CHARLIE]
Let’s go!

[WILLY WONKA, CHARLIE, GRANDPA JOE, AUGUSTUS, MRS. GLOOP, VERUCA, MR. SALT, VIOLET, MR. BEAUREGARDE, MIKE & MRS. TEAVEE]
On with the show!