[Intro]
Well ma'am, the lab results came back and
This is hard to say but
Your son tested highly on our simp scale
Oh goodness gracious
But doctor, what does it even mean to be a simp?
Well son, allow me to explain

[Chorus]
If you're only being nice
'Cause you wanna lay the pipe
You're a simp
You're a simp, you're a simp
When you pay for all the clothes
And then she says, "Thank you, bro"
You're a simp
You're a simp, you're a simp
You're a simp, you're a simp
No you've never been a pimp
You're a simp
You're a simp, you're a simp
Got no game you's a lame
And that's why we ran a train on your bitch
You're a simp, you're a simp

[Verse]
Ayy, but don't worry kid
There's no need to stress
'Cause I know a way to make these hoes obsessed
You're trying too hard, this shit ain't complex
All you gotta do is just follow these steps:
Don't cry like a bitch when she leaves you on read
Just focus on getting some money instead
When you pull up on her flexing some bread
In a matter of moments, her legs will be spread
Once you get some cash, then work on your drip
You can't pull no hoes in that basic ass fit
Just cop you some ice to put on your wrist
And take off those cargo shorts, they look like shit
While we're on the topic, your hair needs some help
'Cause right now it looks like you cut it yourself
You better not pull up if you gotta bowl cut
'Cause they gon' be laughing like, "What are you twelve?"
Just one more step and then you'll be done
This battle's over, your war is won
You'll soon be proud of what you've become
Just listen up for rule number one
If you're tryna smash don't beg and plead
She won't let you fuck if you're on your knees
Stand up strong, don't be so weak
It ain't even hard, repeat after me
No I won't do your homework
Just 'cause you hate math
And I'm not giving you a ride to your big date with Chad
Don't put pussy up on a pedestal, cause that shit is lame
And for any guy that does, I've got one thing left to say
[Chorus]
You're a simp, you're a simp
No, you've never been a pimp
You're a simp
You're a simp, you're a simp
Got no game you's a lame
And that's why we ran a train on your bitch
You're a simp, you're a simp

[Outro]
Oh my goodness, doctor
I never knew I could have so many bitches on my dick
You're my hero
I'm just doing my job, son