Why you at the clinic kid?
Same thing as you
I've got infections on my mickey that have spread to my pubes
Did the doctor give you penicillin, condoms and lubes?
No he gave me a lecture and a strict set of rules

He said, getting your hole is really taking its toll
Cause you've been riding all your groupies and spending all your dole
Your sexual health is getting out of control
So follow my directions for the sake of your soul

You only shift girls
To save all your money
You only shift girls
You can't have no fanny
You only shift girls
To save all your money
You only shift girls
On the mouth

[Wait, wait, wait. So the doctor told you that you're only allowed to shift girls and nothing else?
No nothing else
Best of luck with that.]

Time went by and the hours turned into days
I wasn't riding girls but I was taking them on dates
I couldn't think of sex so I was filling up the space
With deep conversations and staying up late
And when the time came that she would ask me for some more
I'd shift her on the lips and then kick her out the door
But celibacy, as hard as it can be
Has got advantages and bonuses
As I've come to see
By not having sex
I did not expect
That girls will cook you dinner
When you show them respect

And now I shift girls
And spend all their money
I like to shift girls
I don't want no fanny
I like to shift girls
And spend all their money
I like to shift girls
On the mouth

I never thought my life would be as happy as this
If I need something done I use the power of the shift
This girl is washing my car
That one is sweeping my rug
Cause I refused them both a ride and they confuse it with love

I like to shift girls

While they're ironing my jocks
Or fixing holes in my socks
And when I have chicken pox
I like to shift girls

While I'm checking my mails
And when I'm hammering nails
Or pelting houses with snails

I like to shift girls

While I'm fishing for porch
And when I'm dressed as a nurse
That's robbing shit from her purse

I like to shift girls

While I'm filling a bath
During a panic attack
Then making tea for a Jap

I like to shift girls

Reading Friedrich Nietzsche
And drawing pictures of priests
Then tearing leaves from a tree

I like to shift girls
When my Fanta's too fizzy
And spinning round 'til I'm dizzy
Soaking a tampon in whiskey

I like to shift girls

Wondering if there's a God
And checking underneath logs
Trying to measure a dog

I like to shift girls

Pointing at Pakistan
Don't give a fuck who they am
I even shifted a man

And if there's no one around
And I can't find a girl
I dig a hole in the ground and start shifting the world
Because I shift girls

[What are you doing?
Do you mind? I am on a date with mother earth!
You're shifting your mother? Pervert!]