(Spoken by Blindboy Boatclub)
This song is about my dog and also about a new dance called the Greyhound Shuffle. C'mon, boy, let's go into the pet shop and get you some bones; I'm so fond of you! That's a good boy, do your tricks for the man


I got a pet greyhound; he runs pure fast
And when he's in a race kid, he never comes last
He's got gorgeous paws; His name is Lavender
I circle off his fucking birthday on the calendar
I leave it hanging by his leash beside the banister
In the pet shop I only deal with the manager
And I buy his food in a big, cunting canister
The manager is sound and his first name is Alistair

(Chorus)
Doo, doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo, doo...
The Greyhound Shuffle
Doo, doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo, doo...
The Greyhound Shuffle
Doo, doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo, doo...
The Greyhound Shuffle
Doo, doo, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, doo, doo...
The Greyhound Shuffle

Lavender, I know you'd never bite me
Or scratch your ass up on the carpet just to rile or spite me
Your hairy balls, your slender jaws!
If you were the pope, they'd call you Pope John Paws
When I have a rope, I take you on long walks
The monkey says 'ooh' and the seagull squawks
I don't give a fuck when the neighbors talk
They're just jealous of your figure and your greyhound's cock
(Chorus)


(Spoken by Blindboy Boatclub)
The greyhound shuffle is not just a dance, kid!
It's a state of unrest
When you feel so inspired by this performance in the Tailor of Panama
That you write a letter to Brendan Gleeson everyday for 6 months
When the police call to your door
Talking about shoplifting Egyptian cotton sheets
That's the Greyhound Shuffle
When your best friend that you know all of your life. One day turns around and ask you to blow cocaine up his arse with a straw
That's the Greyhound Shuffle
The Greyhound Shuffle is not the butter on your toast
The Greyhound Shuffle is not your new shoes
The Greyhound Shuffle is not the look of endearment in your mothers eyes
The Greyhound Shuffle is not 'LOL' 'OMG' or random
The Greyhound Shuffle is not for sale