My Mam has a new man called
He has a denim jacket and electric windows in his car
My Mam has a new man called
He has a keyring of a woman with tits and it says 'Barcelona' on it
My Mam has a new man called
He is friends with the fella on the radio

My Mam has a new man called Bertie Ahern
Me and him and Mam went fetching, we couldn't find shoes for Mam so she went in her feet
My Mam has a new man called Bertie Ahern
She asked me if it would be okay if he stayеd over
I said that was okay and we watched a vidеo

My best friend is called Patrick, I am older than him
But he is bigger than me (He's my best friend)
My Mam has a new man called Bertie Ahern
I saw him rub her bum, she saw me see
And he hasn't been over for nearly one week now

My Mam has a new man called Bertie Ahern
He can push a fag inside his ear and pull it out his mouth
My Mam has a new man called Bertie Ahern
He has a piece of hosepipe under his car seat with black Sellotape on the end

One day I kicked Patrick in the bollocks
And Mam got angry, so angry
And Bertie Ahern told me I shouldn't do that
I told him to fuck off, and then we both started laughing
My Mam has a new man called Bertie Ahern
He is strong and he says forward, even though Mam says forward
My Mam has a new man called Bertie Ahern
Once he picked me up from karate, and we listened to music that said 'fuck' in it

My Mam has a new man called Bertie Ahern
One day I was under the stairs playing 'Men', and I heard Mam cry
Bertie Ahern said he would kill any man for her
And I believed him, and later we all went fetching

My Mam has a new man called Bertie Ahern
One day he picked me up from karate and I asked him if I could call him "Dad"
He said he'd like that, and started a small bit crying
But I know that's 'cause he was happy, not sad

I want him to be proud of me
I need you to be proud of me
I want you to be proud of me