[Verse 1: Mark Hoppus]
I took her out, it was a Friday night
I wore cologne to get the feeling right
We started making out and she took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV

[Chorus: Mark Hoppus]
And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
And are still more amused by TV shows, what the fuck is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

[Verse 2: Mark Hoppus]
Then later on, on the drive home
I called her mom from a payphone
And I said I was the cops and your husband's in jail
This state looks down on sodomy (sodomy)

[Chorus: Mark Hoppus]
And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
I'm still more amused by prank phone calls, what the fuck is call ID?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
Where's my Asian friend?
Mark: It's the slow pretty part!

[Chorus: Mark Hoppus]
And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
And you still act like you're in freshman year
What the fuck is wrong with me?
My friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?

[Chorus: Mark Hoppus]
And that's about the time she broke up with me
No one should take themselves so seriously
With many years ahead to fall in love
Why would you wish that on me?
I never wanted to act my age
What's my age again?
Where's my Asian friend?

[Outro: Mark Hoppus]
What's my age again?
Where's my Asian friend?

[Speech]
Mark: Fuck yeah!
Tom: Hey Mark! I'm starting to get sweaty and contrary to what most people think, I think I look better wet. I've been campaigning this for about two years now. So throughout the show, you will see me getting sexier and sexier as it gets hotter and hotter. You know?
Mark: And-
Tom: And what?
Mark: If you watch close enough, you might watch Tom getting fatter and fatter as the show goes on, too
Tom: Why would I be getting fatter?
Mark: 'Cause—
Tom: Boobies!
Mark: Oh jeez, stop it! No
Tom: But you're too young!
Mark: You're way too young. Gosh. Let me tell you why you're gonna get fatter and fatter, because dog semen is full of calories
Tom: Yeah, don't eat dog semen. We hear that there's a—hah—it's the number one cause of uh—uh bad breath. Hey this song is about when I had too much alcoholic beverages, got kicked out of high school, wrote a song about it and here it goes like this
Mark: And here it goes