Face covered in some barbecue sauce
I'll dress up like a drunk Santa Claus
And if I see one more rich person getting a car
I'm 'bout to burn that motherfucker's garage (It's Christmas)
My family creepy as it gets
Grandpa kiss me on the lips, ick
Fuck you. It's Christmas
I don't wanna hold your kid
Thats some scary fucking shit, ick
Fuck you. It's Christmas

All through the night, little spoiled-ass kids dream about what they might get
All through the night, I contemplate about which blunt I might hit, lickity split
All through the night, I congratulate my sister on becoming a vegan
All through the night, I ponder about an excuse to leave for the legion
My uncle bragging that this his last d dub
I'll let that plate past me up, that food looks nasty as fuck (Hmm)
Wow, nonstop, giving advice, right, like your life ain't broken
Wow, thank you for pressuring marriage in front of my girlfriend
Still can't tell my nephews apart
And my stepfather thinks he's in charge

And if I see one more rich person getting a car
I'm 'bout to burn that motherfucker's garage (It's Christmas)
My family creepy as it gets
Grandpa kiss me on the lips, ick
Fuck you. It's Christmas
I don't wanna hold your kid
Thats some scary fucking shit, ick
Fuck you. It's Christmas
Real quick, I didn't get nobody shit
I don't want talk politic
Yes, I know I've gotten big
Who the fuck is that lil kid
Who's taking shots in the kitchen? I'm down to assist
I don't want sit next to uncle, he smell
You got diabetes this year I can tell
Look up the location of nearest hotel
Somebody help
Somebody help me 'fore they start karaoke
Oh no here go hokey pokey, I think I need lil smokey (Ho, ho)
My mama wanna wash my mouth out with soapy
Im brown out drunk on the lowkey
Somebody throw me a floatie (Ho, ho)

Face covered in some barbecue sauce
I'll dress up like a drunk Santa Claus
And if I see one more rich person getting a car
I'm 'bout to burn that motherfucker's garage (It's Christmas)
My family creepy as it gets
Grandpa kiss me on the lips, ick
Fuck you. It's Christmas
I don't wanna hold your kid
Thats some scary fucking shit, ick
Fuck you. It's Christmas
If you'd rather leave your family and go kick it with your friends
Say "Fuck you. It's Christmas"
If you'd rather keep your money then go out and overspend
Say "Fuck you. It's Christmas"
Whoo hoo hoo

[Outro]
"Ay, uh, if you know anybody between the ages of 3 and 12
Play this song for them, know what I mean
Make sure they hear this
The harsh realities of the world
They need to be aware of that, you know what i mean
Santa Claus is real, though. Santa Claus is real, though"