[Reverend Sprague]
Alright Tom, just tell us this:
What do you like best about the bible?
What's your favorite part?

[Tom]
Ah, that's easy: I like the lickings

[Reverend Sprague]
The lickin's?

[Tom]
You know
This one licks that one and that one licks the other one
Why they got more good killing in that ol Bible then they had at the battle of Watery-loo

You got Gideon
You got your Josaphat
You got old David himself

Heck
Goliath was a Philistine
Biggest one you ever seen
The Israelites were in a mess
Goliath scared them all to death
They figured they would be destroyed
Till up walked this little Shepard boy
[Reverend Sprague]
Amen

[Tom]
Amen

[Church]
Amen!

[Tom]
Little David he came out
Goliath, he commenced to shout
"Is this the best man that you got?"
That's when David took his shot
And the last words that Goliath said
"I should've quit when I had a head!"

[All]
In the bible
In the bible
The battle between wrong and right
Is written down in black and white
It's certifiable
It's undeniable
They did a ton of fighting saving souls
It's the gosh darn greatest story ever told
It's the gosh darn greatest story ever told
[Tom]
Moses and the Chosen few
Built a pyramid or two
The Lord said "Moses here's the plan:
I'll lead you to the promised land"
Oh Pharaoh, he would not give in
So the Lord sent plagues one through ten

[Reverend Sprague]
Amen

[Tom]
Amen

[Church]
Amen!

[Tom]
So Moses said "Y'all follow me"
And a way appeared right through the sea
Then Pharaoh started catching up
The Chosen few were sitting duck
Then all at once god closed the path
And Pharaoh's army took a bath

[All]
In the bible
In the bible
The battle between wrong and right
Is written down in black and white
It's certifiable
It's undeniable
They did a ton of fighting saving souls
It's the gosh darn greatest story ever told
It's the gosh darn greatest story ever told
[Tom]
There's a whole lot more great stuff I know
Like Joshua and Jericho
The Judges, Chronicles, and Kings
And blood and guts and everything
All the way from father Abraham to the Sheriff of Nottingham
When Robin Hood came walking in
Surrounded by his Merry Men
In the bible-

[Reverend Sprague]
(cutting Tom off)
Hey, wait wait wait a minute
WAIT A MINUTE
Robin Hood is not in the Bible

[Tom]
Oh, well he oughta be

[Everybody laughs]

[All]
In the bible
In the bible
The battle between wrong and right
Is written down in black and white
It's certifiable
It's undeniable
They did a ton of fighting saving souls
It's the gosh darn greatest story ever told
It's the gosh darn greatest story ever told