Girl on page 3, huh
Hey, hey, hey, huh
Hey, hey, hey, huh
Hey, hey, hey

When I was barely 18
Didn't make the A-team
Flunked out of school, wasn't cool
Mom and daddy saw that I was lost
And cured me out of cost
They put me on a jet plane
Now I'm in the UK, I'm the boss

Stayed with a crazy uncle
Illiterate, wrinkled, old male
I couldn't figure out the reason
That he bought the papers every day
Until he showed me the way
He turn me on to page 3
Naked beauties staring back at me
Me, huh!

(Hey, hey, hey)
I had to meet her
(Hey, hey, hey)
Now that I read her
(Hey, hey, hey)
She's barely legal for love
Girl on page 3
Please come with me
For crumpets and tea
Over my knee
My fantasy is a girl on page 3

So I called up Rupert Murdoch
Told him I was 2Pac
Ready to give my exclusive to The Daily Mirror and The Sun
But after we were done
He'd have to introduce me to my favorite, naked writer #1

(Wait a minute, wait a minute
You're never gonna believe what happened next)

On came the paper's editor
He swore I couldn't get at her
Unless I take it off at the newspaper 'til 2017
Sounded like a deal to me
So now I'm her competitor
We take it off together on page 3
Oh-wee, come on now!

(Hey, hey, hey)
This ain't no fiction
(Hey, hey, hey)
I got a big subscription
(Hey, hey, hey)
I got a personal delivery
For the girl on page 3
Please come with me
For crumpets and tea
Over my knee
My fantasy is the girl on page 3

We like to shag, watch Neighbours
And have it up on Coronation street, ha, ha
I like a sweet EastEnder
We blow a pound, you know what I mean

(Bring in that guitar lead, come on, yeah-ow!)
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel a slag I like to bag)
(Alright, alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright, alright, oh-oh!)

She's the girl on page 3
And she's coming with me
For crumpets and tea
Over my knee
My fantasy is the girl on page 3

(One more time, sing along!)
She's the girl on page (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And she's coming with me (oh, oh, oh)
For crumpets and tea
Over my knee
My fantasy, wow-ow!
The girl on page 3