Now who's the strangest bloomin' creature in the world today?
Assumin' that he's humin, we're not sure what else to say

You might say that he looks a proper Swede
With yellow hair and eyes of baby blue
But there's no use complainin'
If he says he's Medit'rain-yin
Then it's true!

Who wears big baggy trousers, with a sash around the waist
And lives on snails and rabbit stew, regardless of the taste
He wears a Maltese hat upon his head
What's different to a turban or a fez
There may be a point we're missin'
So maybe we ought to listen
What he says

Which is:

It takes all kinds - of people in the world
And some of them are chalk and some are cheese
So change your minds - and hats off if you please
'Cause Monty Mundy is Maltese

Who wants us all to fly his flag - a spiky little cross
And vows he's from Valletta, so you'd betta - he's the boss!
He swears he's from a southern land of sun
Although his skin's an English shade of pale
And you can see him pout
When people try to work it out
And when they fail
He says, it takes all kinds - of people in the world
And some of them are chalk and some are cheese
So change your minds - and hats off if you please
'Cause Monty Mundy is Maltese

Some people think they're Caesar, or Napoleon Bonaparte
There's a bloke called Mona Lisa, and an 'orse called Mr. Cart
But everyone must pay their due respects
Especially now that Monty is the mayor
He may not be elected
But objections are rejected
He don't care!

Because it takes all kinds - of people in the world
And some of them are chalk and some are cheese
So change your minds - and hats off if you please
'Cause Monty Mundy eats
'Cause Monty Mundy drinks
'Cause Monty Mundy feels
'Cause Monty Mundy thinks
'Cause Monty Mundy is Maltese