Oh, the bishop and the actress
Had a very bold affair
Or it would have been, if they were seen
Out in the public square
Instead it was in secret
They cuddled and they kissed
And spread fresh gossip with each tender tryst

But that was back in days of bawdy fun
When fair folks felt no fear of quip or pun

When you heard a saucy sort
Say I like a spot of sport
But it happens to be hard to fit it in
Or someone was on the job
Or was polishing a knob
Or debating the debaucheries of old Nell Gwynn

When you heard 'Fainting fits!'
Other naughty bits!
Or 'Cor what a lovеly pear!'
The bishop and the actrеss were still there!

Said the bishop to the actress
"It's you that I adore
But we mustn't meet out on the street
I'll come in your back door."
Said the actress to the bishop
"Proceed with caution there
A man in your position must take care."
But nowadays there's trouble all around
Where entendres that are double are still found

When you hear a cheeky chap
Say I like a bit of slap
And tickle, or a tremble of the knee
When something's getting sticky
Or somebody likes a quickie
Or is flashing us a wink and going 'Tee hee hee'
Wielding a chopper!
Squealing 'What a whopper!'
'Deliveries in the rear!'
The bishop and the actress are still here!