Oh, oh, the horror of school
Cold winter mornings so cruel
When they called me a fool
For preferring my bed

No greater mis'ry I've known
Rolled in my covers I'd moan
Wishing I was full grown
Or just sleeping instead

Oh I'm never my best in the morning
In the morning, I'm not good
I should issue a twelve-hour warning
Just to make it understood
No, I'm never my best in the morning
In the morning, I'm not great
Afternoon, slightly sad
Early evening, not bad
But at night time I scintillate!

Oh, oh, the horror of work
Cold winter mornings I'd shirk
Always later to lurk
Under blanket and sheet

No, I'm not labouring stock
Sold to some fact'ry or dock
It's enough of a shock
To be up on my feet
No, I'm never my best in the morning
In the morning, I'm not nice
If you see me all scowling and yawning
Keep away, is my advice!
No, I'm never my best in the morning
In the morning, I'm a swine
Afternoon, I won't play
Early evening, okay
But at night time the world is mine!

I'm for the sweetness of life
Lying in bed with a wife
Far away from the strife
Of a wearisome world

Oh, but she wakes up too soon
Hoping to snuggle and spoon
When it's inopportune
For unconscious I'm curled

No, I'm never my best in the morning
In the morning, I'm no fun
And I daresay a new day is dawning
But I can't rise like the sun!
No, I'm never my best in the morning
In the morning, it's no go
Afternoons, I'm not free
Early evening – maybe
But at night time I'm Romeo!