[Chorus 1]
Just when I thought everything would be okay
Just when I started to believe that everything was going my way
Out came the cloud from under my feet
Crashing back down to reality

[Verse 1]
You used to call me pumpkin, now I'm Halloween
Remember when I used to be your jellybean?
You used to call me schnookums and shit like that
Now you're after me with a baseball bat

[Verse 2]
I remember when I used to be the king
Your honey sweetie darling baby everything
I used to be your tall dark mystery man
Now I'm just straight up history, man!

[Chorus 2]
Just when I thought everything would be alright
Just when I started to believe that everything was out of sight
You left me with nothing but a scribbled note
That said I would no longer be your love boat
From here on out my pet name would be Ex
Your ex, your ex, your ex
[Verse 3]
It used to be sugar then it turned into salt
I used to rock your world now I'm standing on a fault line
Lying naked in a hail storm in the dark
You're my little tornado and I am your trailer park

[Verse 4]
You used to call me names too cute to repeat
Like honey bunch, hairy bear and Piccolo Pete
Goochy goochy goo goo gaga, shit like that
Now you're after me, screaming "you dirty rat"!

[Bridge]
I don't remember applying for a name change
So why is it you're calling me mister deranged
Psychopathic, pornographic, stinking drunk
Failing fast, lying-ass worthless punk

[Verse 5]
You used to call me sweetie pie and baby doll
I guess another stud's kicking in my stall
You'll probably call him superman or lover boy
You'll probably disregard him like a broken toy

[Chorus 3]
Just when he thought everything was going his way
Just when he started to believe everything was hunky dory
He'll look at that cloud that he's standing on
And with an itsy bitsy, teeny, little, almost inaudible squeak
He'll notice it's gone
From here on out, his pet name would be Ex
Your ex, your ex, your ex
[Outro]
Sweetie pie?
No, ex!
Honey bunch?
No, ex!
Bubble butt?
No, ex!
Pumpkin face?
Ex!