[HELEN]
"Helen, will you freshen up my drink?"
Okay
"Take Shampagne to see his doggy shrink"
Of course
"Lace my girdle, file down my skin tags,"
Sure
"And count all my shoes and my handbags"

"Helen will you swallow all your rage?"
For now
"Keep it like a monkey in a cage"
I love monkeys
"Just ignore Shampagne's much higher standing"
I will
"Adore me, endure me withstanding my demands"

But I've got plans
So these demands are temporary
I grin and bear it knowing where my future life could lead
I grit my teeth and find relief repeating

If there's a will, there's a way, there's a way
If there's a will, there's a way, there's a way
If there's a will, there's a willy-nilly way
To be living like I'm top-notch
Filthy stinkin' rich, watch
Just gotta be smart like so
Keep playing my part like so
Don't step on my toes
Nobody knows what really goes on
In Bitsy's rich-and-famous lifestyle penthouse in the tower
Gonna have my hour with the willpower
Maybe I'll manipulate the lawyer
That's good
Show a little ankle in the foyer
Men love ankles
Make him give me power of attorney
Or else...
He'll leave Bitsy's house on a gurney

Her Shampagne taste is such a waste
It's time she tasted mine
Let's seal the deal up, club a seal up
Show me where to sign
Until that day, I lay awake recalling

If there's a will, there's a way, there's a way
If there's a will, there's a way, there's a way
If there's a will, there's a willy-nilly way
Willy-nilly way
Willy, willy, willy way

[spoken]
Oh, Helen, is it worth it?
Maybe you should give up this life of misdeeds and manipulation
Just kidding

[sung]
Willy, willy-nilly, hey
Gonna shake that money in my monkey bank
Gonna shake it
Willy, willy-nilly, hey
Gonna shake that money in my monkey bank
Gonna shake it
Woah, woah
Shake it willy-nilly
Shake it willy-nilly
Woah, woah
Shake it willy-nilly
Shake it willy-nilly
If there's a will, there's a will, there's a way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way, way
Okay, I'm done