[Verse 1]
I'm never bored when I'm with you
We're pals, we're buddies through and through
I wish I knew what to buy for you
On your birthday
Our friendship goes against the grain
I've seen you swell up in the rain
I saw you, didn't see your pain
Was it termites
It's never hard to talk to you
Though you stump me with your silence
I feel so naughty pining here
For your happy face's guidance

[Chorus]
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank

[Verse 2]
Sitting there so silently
What could you be thinking
You're not saying; I won't axe
Is that sealant that you're drinking
Man, you're hammered! Nailed you, pal
Al Gore's wife's name is Tipper
I knew that we'd be best friends for life
When I saved you from that chipper
[Chorus]
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank

[Verse 3]
Ooh, Plank
Count the rings, count the rings
Ooh, Plank
Count the rings
I'd walk you on the seven seas
But sawdust always makes me wheeze
I met your mom and dad the trees
But please don't get Dutch elm disease

[Chorus]
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank
My best friend Plank

[Outro]
You're my best friend, Plank