[Intro: Kendrick Lamar]
I'd like to thank everybody for coming out tonight
I'd like to share with you, my celebrity scenarios
I promise I won't tell baby girl
I can hold water, I promise

[Verse 1: Kendrick Lamar]
I got this girl named Meagan Good
Well, you could say that Meagan was bad
The way she talk dirty he done threw me the ass
Like a quarterback Mr. McNabb
She introduce me to her friend Teairra Mari
Well, see Mari put a n***a to sleep
She made her boy feel good even curled my feet
Now please don't go back to Jay-Z
It's a rap, I used to fuck with Christina a while back
Which one, Aguilera or Milian, both of em
They did this little trick with their tongue
I came faster than a NASCAR spinning backwards
Brandi like to suck it she said she needed some practice
In the back of my bucket wasn't using no mattress
Brooke Valentine like to take it from behind
Face down, ass up, shit I love it when she climb

[Chorus: Kendrick Lamar]
Now we can all be celebrity cousins
And if I fuck I swear I won't say nothin'
Now we can all be celebrity cousins
And if I fuck I swear I won't say nothin' else
I promise, I won't tell nobody else
I promise, I swear I won't say nothin' else
I promise, just take off your clothes, nobody'll know
Psych
[Verse 2: Kendrick Lamar]
And about Vivica
I had her way before 50 Cent start dissing her
One thing I know, shit I hope he wasn't kissing her
Man she could blow like a torch
And dick without using a fork
She introduced me to Gabrielle of course
Union, had her on my backyard porch
Legs up film rolling, action, cut
She looking at me like "what happened, get up"
[?] fucked up so Holly came
Shit I felt that I lucked up
Gave her my last name, Trina moved on
She fucking with Lil Wayne now
It's OK, I ain't crying about my hand-me-downs
I'ma sit back, take it for what it's worth
But for now I'm free, "can you please lift up your skirt?"
We can do lunch, later on be dessert
I'll give you a job, since 106 didn't work
Out

[Chorus: Kendrick Lamar]
Now we can all be celebrity cousins
And if I fuck I swear I won't say nothin'
Now we can all be celebrity cousins
And if I fuck I swear I won't say nothin' else
I promise, I won't tell nobody else
I promise, I swear I won't say nothin' else
I promise, just take off your clothes, nobody'll know
Psych
[Verse 3: Kendrick Lamar]
Ciara gave a n***a the goodies love tonight
And Bow Wow wants to see my cars out the house
[?] n***a maybe wanted to fight
He seen the burner on the draw and walked right out
Will Smith knows exactly what I'm talkin' bout
I had the same altercations when dealing with Jada
Baby momma drama I start fucking Fantasia
Nothing serious, she thought of it as a favour
And Lindsay Lohan, made my shit stand up
Like a Voltron, I couldn't keep my pants up
The Pussycat Dolls want the fantasy of all
Like, I'ma need some help trying to fuck all of y'all
Hour later, that's when Amerie called
Saying "this just one thing"
OK ma, "you don't have to fiend for the ding-a-ling"
I'll be over there, make sure Eve over there
I wanna see y'all mingling together

[Bridge]
Remember that time at my house
Remember that time at your house
Remember that time on the bed
Remember that time on the couch
Remember that time on the chair
Remember when Nelly was downstairs
We all had a good time
Didn't we all have fun
As celebrities can we?
[Chorus: Kendrick Lamar]
Now we can all be celebrity cousins
And if I fuck I swear I won't say nothin'
Now we can all be celebrity cousins
And if I fuck I swear I won't say nothin' else
I promise, I won't tell nobody else
I promise, I swear I won't say nothin' else
I promise, just take off your clothes, nobody'll know
Psych