[Saverio]
Whoo!
Oh ho yeah!
Fuck yeah!
That was amazing!

[Mike]
Ah, but you know what?
I'll tell you something
That party was nothing
What's gonna be even better though...

[3st]
The after party!

[Brandon]
Yeah boy!

[Saverio]
Yo, get in the van!
Shotgun!

[Brandon]
Guys, shut the fuck up real quick
Shut up
Alright yo
So I met this girl at...
At the club, right?
And yo
She gave me a sip of her drink, right?
And then told me
She was gonna S my D
[Saverio]
At the after party?

[Brandon]
Yeah boy!
Yo bruh!
Aw, my dick's gonna--

[Mike]
Yo, you drive man

[Saverio]
Alright yeah
You gotta fucking get us there
As quick as possible
Hop in that driver's seat

[Brandon]
Alright alright
I'm going

[Mike]
How is it possible
That Brandon's getting shit
And we're not, Saverio?
[Saverio]
Well no
But dude
Did you...
I'm telling you, like
Did you see that one girl at the party?
She had like, the nicest ass
On the block

[Mike]
Ah, dude
It was like a venn diagram
That didn't overlap at all

[Saverio]
Yeah, that's kind of
A weird fucking analogy but...

[Mike]
Unbelievable
Wait wait...
Brandon, you good?

[Saverio]
You alright, dude?
[Brandon]
We need to go back!

[Mike]
What, did you forget something?

[Saverio]
Did you leave your phone?

[Mike]
You leave you dignity behind or something?

[Brandon]
We need
To go back

[Mike]
Whoah, dude!
Slow the hell down!

[Saverio]
Whoah, whoah!
Hey, hey, hey!

[Brandon]
Let's fucking go!
I gotta bring this bitch...
I gotta bring this bitch
Up to eighty-eight!
We're going back in time!
Motherfuckers!

[3st]
Whoah!

[Dinosaurs]
*Dinosaur noises

[Mike]
Oh my fuck!

[Saverio]
Where are we?

[Mike]
A second ago
We had just left the party
But now we're in the middle
Of the goddamn rainforest!

[Saverio]
Hey Brandon
You think you could explain for us?

[Brandon]
I transformed the Toyota
Into a temporal time traveling taxi

[Mike]
Are you telling me
You actually blasted our asses
Back to the late cretaceous?

[Brandon]
Exactly!
This is gonna be a ton of fun!

[Saverio]
No, this is bad!

[Mike]
What have you done?

[Brandon]
Psh, you guys are overreacting

[Mike & Saverio]
What?

[Brandon]
Like, what's the worst that could happen?

[Mike]
Um, we could get eaten

[Saverio]
Or fall into a sink hole!

[Mike]
Or we could get eaten

[Saverio]
Or we could be killed in
A volcanic eruption or something!

[Mike]
Did I mention the fact
That we might get eaten?
Take us home
Right now

[Brandon]
Oh my god
You guys are pusses

[Mike]
Fuck you!

[Saverio]
Uh oh, guys?

[Mike & Brandon]
What?

[Saverio]
I think I see a dinosaur
Hiding in the bushes

[Mike]
A d-d-dinosaur?

[Brandon]
Come on, how can you be sure?

[Dinosaur]
*menacing shriek

[Mike]
Aw shit, we're screwed!
I don't wanna die, dude
What do we do?

[Saverio]
I saw this in a movie
With Jeff Goldblum
They can't see us
If we don't move

[Dinosaur]
*suspicious shriek

[Mike]
Oh Jesus, I think she sees us
We've been detected!

[Saverio]
Okay, this wasn't effective

[Mike]
I think I've got a better idea

[Saverio]
Do tell

[Mike]
Plan B: run like hell!
Get back to the time machine!
It's our only hope to escape!

[Saverio]
I hop in the driver's seat
Now I'm digging through my pockets
To find the key
Wait, Brandon has the key!

[Mike]
Looks like we're not leaving
'Cause he's outside of the car
And he's about to get eaten!

[Saverio]
He's standing there frozen

[Mike]
Why isn't he moving?

[Mike & Saverio]
Brandon, what the fuck are you doing?

[Brandon]
I've seen spectacular racks
And massive ass
On the pornographic actresses
But nothing matches this attractiveness
I'm kind of bored with grimy whores
But what lies before me, I adore
Time to make this dinosaur's
Vagina sore
I'm erectile for this reptile
This cock of mine has been fossilized
This chick's about to get sodomized
That's the bottom line
No compromise
She looking at me with that
Hungry look in her eyes
I call that dino cleavage the great valley
'Bout to fuck the land before time
I'mma get my bone stuck
In that pussy like a tar pit
I swear she fly like a pterodactyl
Fuck Aladdin and his magic carpet
She could show you
A whole new Jurassic World
Like my homie Chris Pratt did
She got that Kardashian status
'Cause she put the ass in jurassic
I'm horny like a triceratops
And this lizard is giving me sweet sex
My dick's the fucking king
That's why she call me D-Rex
From the way that she slobbing my sausage
I know she a carnivore
She a meat eater
And I'mma smash that vag into extinction
As if my penis was a meteor
Oh hey, look at that
A meteor

[Saverio]
This isn't good

[Mike (overlapping following)]
Oh my god we're gonna die
Oh my god we're gonna die
Oh my god we're gonna die
Oh my god we're gonna die
Oh my god we're gonna die
Oh my god we're gonna die
Oh my god we're gonna die
Oh my god we're gonna die

[Saverio]
Sorry to cock block
But we gotta dip!
That thing is coming
With the dinosaur apocalypse!
We're gonna die
Unless we get back to the present!

[Brandon]
Wait!

[Saverio]
For what?

[Brandon]
I can't leave her

[Saverio]
Ugh, I get it
You think with your dick
And she blew your mind

[Mike]
But your life is on the line!
You gotta leave her behind!

[Saverio]
She's just a ride!

[Brandon]
But this one is different though!

[Mike]
Shit

[Saverio]
Did you catch feels from a lizard hoe?

[Brandon]
Yes!

[Mike & Saverio]
Ugh!

[Brandon]
It's true!
She and I are in love!

[Mike]
I hate to be the party pooper
Defecating on your celebration
But it's literally raining hell from above!
The gas in the atmosphere is burning
I imagine the planet will be
Turning into ashes pretty rapidly
It's tragic and disturbing
But that is gonna happen to us too
Unless we act fast
So hurry!

[Brandon]
No, I won't leave
Unless we take her with us!
She'll fit in the back seat!

[Saverio]
Twenty-sixteen is already a disaster

[Mike]
The last thing we need is
Hashtag dino lives matter

[Saverio]
She's not coming with us

[Brandon]
Then neither am I

[Saverio]
What are you, nuts?

[Mike]
Brandon, you will die!

[Brandon]
I know
But at least I will meet my demise
With the love of my life at my side

[Mike]
Fine!
But if you don't mind
Could you at least give us
They key to the time machine?

[Brandon]
Here, take it!

[Mike]
Thank you!

[Saverio]
Hurry, we're running out of time!
If we go now, we might still make it!

[Mike]
Until we get to the present
We're not safe

[Saverio]
Pedal to the metal
Tryna get up to eighty-eight

[Mike]
We're yelling out the window
As we're making our getaway

[Saverio]
Fuck you Brandon!

[Mike]
We never liked you anywa--

[Brandon]
Well, this is it
Time to face my maker
And even in the shade of death
My love makes me feel safer
'Cause I know, in a better world
I'll see her face again
So we can fuck like--
Oh fuck!
I'm burning!
Holy shit!
Ah!
Oh my god!
Holy jesus fuck!
Oh my god!

[Mike]
Come on, dude

[Saverio]
Brandon, wake up!
Wake up!

[Mike]
There you go

[Saverio]
How you doing, buddy?

[Mike]
Yeah, man

[Brandon]
Where am I?

[Mike]
You're in the hospital dude
You've been in the hospital for a while

[Saverio]
Oh yeah man
You were pretty messed up

[Brandon]
Where is she?

[Saverio]
Where's who?
The girl from the party?

[Brandon]
No damn it, the dinosaur!
Where is she?

[Mike]
Oh well
She didn't look like a dinosaur, dude
She was kinda hot
But no, they...
They threw her in jail, dude
Whatever the heck
She gave you at the party
She spiked that shit

[Brandon]
What?

[Mike]
It was messed up

[Brandon]
Uh, wait wait wait w--
What happened?

[Mike]
Well, so you were drugged up
Behind the wheel
On the way to the after party
You were doing eighty-eight
In a residential zone

[Saverio]
Yeah, you were speeding
You flew through the windshield

[Brandon]
No, no, no

[Mike]
You almost killed us
It was like the apocalypse out there

[Brandon]
No, no, no!
Guys, guys!
I fucked this really hot dinosaur!
That's what actually happened!

[Saverio]
No, dude. None of that happened

[Mike]
No, anything that you think just happened
Was incited by a terrible head injury
And a ton of drugs

[Brandon]
No!

[Saverio]
Hey
Hey hey hey!
Hey! Brandon, Brandon
Come on, come on now

[Brandon]
No!

[Saverio]
If it makes you feel any better
There's plenty of dinosaur porn
On the internet

[Brandon]
Really?

[Mike]
Yeah, rule thirty-four

[Brandon]
I think I'm gonna be okay