[Verse 1: Brandon]
On the outside
A lot of girls are perfect
But you gotta dig
Deeper than the surface
'Cause some girls got
Real small flaws
That turn into really big turnoffs
For instance
I knew this hot chick in college
But each of her fingers
Had a different nail polish
We broke up
'cause I didn't want a hand job
From a girl whose hands
Are like a jumbled up crayon box
I also dated this girl named Jen
A textbook specimen
She was a ten
But she had a weird mole
Smack dab in the middle of her cleavage
So it looked like
She had a third nipple
You could be a model
With a body so nice
But if you've got a gambling problem?
No dice
You could be the sweetest eye candy
But if you're a vegetarian
You can't eat my man meat
As for my current girl
I love her very much
But we're breaking up
Because she doesn't let her foods touch
And I know I'm getting
Hung up on stupid shit
But I can't go through with it
Baby, that's a...
[Chorus: Caleb Holt]
Dealbreaker
Girl, I won't like
You looking mighty fine
But you got baggage
That you got to leave behind
You got that hot stuff
That makes the fellas sweat
But your life's a fucking wreck
I'm sorry baby
That's a dealbreaker

[Verse 2: Saverio]
I'm hooking up
With this hot chick I just met
Take her to my place
And get her undressed
Shawty got more ass than I can manage
Booty cheeks are bread
'Bout to make a dick sandwich
That's when I discover
The tattoo on her lower back
Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony
Damn it!
What does that say about her?
Her judgement is a little bit impaired
And I was not prepared
Maybe it's temporary
Maybe she was drunk
What if she really likes that junk?
And what does that say about me?
I'm conflicted
Cause I want to cum on her ass
But I don't want to cum on her tat
I wish that she'd have told me
So I could have known before
'Cause I don't know
Is that the same as
Jacking off to pony porn?
I'm totally torn
I'm caught in a trap
I knew I should have just
Stayed home and fapped
And while I'm thinking
She said, "gimme that big dick"
And in that instant
I know what my decision is
"Uh, first... uh...
Let me...
Let me go take a shit real quick."
I went to the bathroom
And evacuated through the window
Went home and masturbated
Now every time I see an ass
I get flashbacks
She ruined booty for me
Tragic to the maximum
That's a...
[Chorus: Caleb Holt]
Dealbreaker
Girl, I won't like
You looking mighty fine
But you got baggage
That you got to leave behind
You got that hot stuff
That makes the fellas sweat
But your life's a fucking wreck
I'm sorry baby
That's a dealbreaker

[Verse 3: Mike]
Girls who are just my type
Are kinda hard to meet
So I made a dating page on eHarmony
It's a great plan
'Cause if she got any dealbreakers
I'mma know in advance
Logging in like
"Aw snap, I got a match!"
She a redheaded actress
With an immaculate ass
I'm like, "Damn
She the girl of my wet dreams."
Slid into her DMs with my phone number
And told her she should text me
About a month goes by
And we had talked a lot
Then we finally met face to face
In a coffee shop
We sat and chatted for half an hour
And then I thought
I really like this girl
But something's kinda off
Is it her makeup?
Nah, she on fleek
Is it something with her eyes?
Possibly
That's when it clicked
My heart started to sink
This chick
Doesn't
Blink
Like, at all
And it's kinda freaking me out
I can't get a read
What is she thinking about?
I can't tell
She either wants to pounce me
Or chop me up
And use me as a substitute for ground beef
I don't know what to do
Do I reject her?
Or spend the next several months
Dating Hannibal Lecter
And how is that possible?
How does that not hurt her eyes?
Wait, shit
What if she's an alien in human disguise?
That's when I notice
No one has spoken in over a minute
In this awkward moment
We're totally frozen
So I broke it
By saying the only thing that I was able
"Uh, how do you feel about anal?"
She said, "That's kinda creepy to ask."
I said, "Quit it bitch!
I know you tryna probe my ass!"
Then I ran out the building
And didn't look back
In my delusion
I jumped to conclusions
But if you ain't
Blinking every few seconds
You better get it corrected
Or people gonna think
You're an extraterrestrial
And that's a...
[Chorus: Caleb Holt]
Dealbreaker
Girl, I won't like
You looking mighty fine
But you got baggage
That you got to leave behind
You got that hot stuff
That makes the fellas sweat
But your life's a fucking wreck
I'm sorry baby
That's a
Dealbreaker
Girl, I won't like
You looking mighty fine
But you got baggage
That you got to leave behind
You got that hot stuff
That makes the fellas sweat
But your life's a fucking wreck
I'm sorry baby
That's a dealbreaker