[Coach]
What do you weigh, kid?
A buck 55?

[Farley]
I'm not that vain
I'm not into my size

[Coach]
There are other games that are more appropriate for you to play

[Ace]
Like checkers, like chess, and crocquet

[Farley]
Well, I've always been taught to see things through
To my heart, always be true

[Coach]
Hallmark, I'm sure, would be so proud
To hear you voice their sentiments out loud
But a well-placed fart would knock you down
If the Moose meant harm, you'd be in a hospital gown
This is the toughest league in the land
You'll never survive so become a fan
{Farley}
Just because I still have my front teeth
Don't assume that I can't compete
Though I might not come with a hockey pedigree
Why can't I still dream of being the next Crosby?

{Coach}
You've never played the game

{Ace}
No one even knows your name

{Coach}
Hockey legends don't happen overnight

{Ace}
It takes a bunch of years

{Coach}
And a bucket full of tears
And to put you in the game is suicide