[RAY]
(spoken)
Please, be seated

(sung)
When I was a boy
I auditioned for a musical
It was a musical, about cats!

[CHARLOTTE]
(spoken)
Was it Cats?

[RAY]
It doesn't really matter, Charlotte. I'm trying to tell a story here. Please listen. Thank you! Anyway, on the day of the audition...

(sung)
I wore underwear
Underwear with cats, like in the musical
That's how I knew this role would be mine stat

[SCHWOZ]
(spoken)
What is stat?

[CHARLOTTE, HENRY, JASPER]
(overlapping conversation)
[RAY]
Are you guys done? I'm kinda pouring my heart out here. Anyway

(sung)
I meow'd
Oh, I meow'd
Like I'd studied cats at Yale
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow
Meow and I shook my tush like my tush had a bushy little tail

[JASPER]
(spoken)
Do cats have bushy tails?

[CHARLOTTE, HENRY, JASPER, & SCHWOZ]
(overlapping conversation)

[RAY]
What's with all the side chats?

[CHARLOTTE]
(sung)
It's just that we can tell what happens in the end

[RAY]
Ha! That I doubt
[CHARLOTTE]
You didn't get the role
It went to someone else who tried out

[RAY]
(spoken)
Irregardless...

[CHARLOTTE]
Not a word

[RAY]
(sung)
Ever since that day
I've had a hatred for musicals
So whoever caused this curse

[HENRY]
(sung)
You know it was Frankini

[CHARLOTTE, HENRY, JASPER, & SCHWOZ]
(overlapping conversation)

[RAY]
Yeah
(sung)
So Frankini

[SCHWOZ]
(spoken)
Oh god, I smell a high note. Plug your ears!

[RAY]
(sung)
Will pay!

[SCHWOZ]
(spoken)
Ay! That was my favorite vase!