[Verse 1]
I break the ice
So they don't see my size
And I have to be nice
Or I'll be the next punchline

[Pre-Chorus]
I'm just the best friend in Hollywood movies
Who only exists to continue the story
The girl gets the guy, while I'm standing off-screen
So I'll wait for my cue to be comedic relief

[Chorus]
Can't be too loud, can't be too busy
If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?
Can't be too proud, can't think I'm pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

[Verse 2]
I say, "I'm okay"
'Cause they wouldn't care anyway
And I could try to explain
But my effort's in vain, they can't relate to how I've

[Pre-Chorus]
Drawn out in Sharpie where I'd take the scissors
If that's what it took for me to look in the mirror
I've done every diet to make me look thinner
So why do I still feel so goddamn inferior?
[Chorus]
Can't be too loud, and can't be too busy
If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?
Can't be too proud, and can't think I'm pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

[Post-Chorus]
Life of the fat, funny friend
Life of the fat, funny friend

[Bridge]
It's funny when I think a guy likes me
And it's funny when I'm the one who says, "Let's go to eat"
It's funny when I'm asked to go out on Halloween
Dresses, and thigh-highs, while I hide my body
Can't be too loud, and can't be too busy
If I don't answer now, are they still gonna miss me?

[Chorus]
Can't be too loud, and can't be too busy
If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?
Can't be too proud, and can't think I'm pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

[Post-Chorus]
Life of the fat, funny friend
Life of the fat, funny friend
Life of the fat, funny friend
Life of the fat, funny friend
[Outro]
I've drawn out in Sharpie where I'd take the scissors