[Verse 1]
I break the ice, so they don't see my size
And I have to be nice, or I'll be the next punch line
I'm just the best friend in Hollywood movies
Who only exists to continue the story
The girl gets the guy, while I'm standing off-screen
So I'll wait for my cue to be comedic relief

[Chorus]
Can't be too loud, can't be too busy
If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?
Can't be too proud, can't think I'm pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

[Verse 2]
I say I'm okay, 'cause they wouldn't care anyway
And I could try to explain
But my efforts in vain, they can't relate
To how I've drawn out in Sharpie where I'd take the scissors
If that's what it took for me to look in the mirror
Oh, I've done every diet to make me look thinner
So why do I still feel so goddamn inferior?

[Chorus]
Can't be too loud, can't be too busy
If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?
Can't be too proud, can't think I'm pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?
[Hook]
Life of the fat, funny, friend
Life of the fat, funny, friend

[Bridge]
It's funny when I think a guy likes me
And it's funny when I'm the one who says, "Let's go to eat"
It's funny when I'm asked to go out on Halloween
Dresses, and thigh-highs, while I hide my body
Can't be too loud, can't think I'm pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

[Chorus]
Can't be too loud, can't be too busy
If I don't answer now, are they just gonna leave me?
Can't be too proud, can't think I'm pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

[Hook]
Life of the fat, funny, friend
Life of the fat, funny, friend
Life of the fat, funny, friend
Life of the fat, funny, friend

[Outro]
I've drawn out in Sharpie where I'd take the scissors