I got the TVGB's, TVGB's

Some people need movies all the time
They save each dollar, they nickel and dime
And spend it all on a cinema thrill
The silver screen is their magic pill
It does it, it does it
It does the trick for them
They see it, they be it
And then they do it all over again

Some people need muscle on the bone
They pull, they press, they run alone
They exercise to a Fatback beat
They drop the fat and they work that meat
It does it, it does it
It does the trick for them
They work it, they jerk it
Then they do it all over again

Push comes to shove, some people need love
No names are fine, your place or mine?
It's a friend of a friend of a stranger you met
Let lie, let live, forgive and forget
Don't tell them no, don't tell them not
Just take what they have and get what they got
They love it, they love it
It does the trick for them
They lit ya then forget ya
Then they do it all over again
Some people need sport, some people need snuff
Some people need snort and all of that stuff
Some people ain't got, some people can't wait
Some people run hot, some people run late
Some people trust books, some people trust fate
Some people need hooks, some people need bait
Some people can't dance, some people can't date
Some people romance, some people just hate
Some people need life, some people need love
Some people, some people need all of the above
They need it, they freed it
It does the trick for them
They taste it, they waste it
Then they do it all over again

I don't need movies, don't need to run
Don't need love from anyone
The only need there is for me
Is to watch my portable TV
Don't want food, don't want drink
Don't think to want, don't want to think
Just need to see that tube each day
And tune my problems all away
Turn on the power, turn up the sound
And spin that channel changer 'round
Channel 2, Channel 4
5 and 7, 11 and more
And UHF way up the band
They speak the language I understand
They aim for me and they aim to please
And every night I'm on my knees
Thanking the Lord on high above
For sending me the shows I love
I start the day with Fathers Knows Best
My Mother the Car don't stop to rest
The Partridge Family and Brady Bunch
Then My Three Sons while I fix lunch
When Family Feud is over and done
It's All in the Family, family fun
My morning is a Family Affair
Turn off the tube I would not dare

One Life to Live, One Day at a Time
Then Days of Our Lives, romance and crime
They bring me dreams with a Guiding Light
In Another World at The Edge of Night

I Love Lucy, don't we all?
But I break my date with Lucille Ball
'Cause Our Miss Brooks is my Miss Right
And My Little Margie is just the right height
I'm ready for Rhoda Morgenstern
What she don't know she's ready to learn
But most of all, you know I adore
The fair Miss Mary Tyler Moore
At WJM, her whole crew
There's Ted, Georgette and Murray and Lou
Bob Newhart's true heart Ms. Pleshette
Is as good as is good as you're gonna get
I'm bored with Dallas, I'm sick of JR
And old Knots Landing is a little too far
Flamingo Road will pave the way
To Falcon Crest, but I fly away
I'm seeing Code Red, got the Hill Street Blues
So I touch that dial and view the news
Frank Reynolds's too grey, Tom Brokaw's too green
Dan Rather's too tough, he's rough and he's mean
Walter Cronkite, we miss your face
These others aren't part of the human race

So I move along to a talk-talk show
Here's Johnny, he's on, well what do you know?
Dinah's off and Toni Tennille
Mike Douglas has split, it's getting unreal
Praise be, thank God, we still have Murph
He's so much more than I deserve

The Dukes of Hazard have hazardous wheels
They crash, they skid, the rubber, it peels
Each curve they swerve, they roll, they rock
They wanna drive Chips right off of the block

Let me be your TV Guide

Howard Cosell, is he still on?
The best liked man since Genghis Khan
My rap may not be the best of all
But Baba Wawa can't rap at all
Everyone hold your own TVs while I spell out the ABCs
There's ABC, CBS
NBC and goodness yes
HBO, CNN
Let's do it, let's do, let's do it again

Glued to the tube
Glued to the tube
I'm glued to the tube
I'm glued to the tube
I'm glued to the tube
I'm glued to the tube
I'm glued to the tube
I'm glued to the tube
I'm glued to the tube