[Intro]
Three, two, one
Begin

[Verse 1: The Stupendium]
Watch out! The Scout's out and about
Running around, bringing bonks right down to your scalp (Bonk)
Do you even know who you're talking to here?
I'm a streak of greased lightning, keep fighting for years
I'm a stunner, number one run-and-gunner
My beats bring the heat 'cause I'm a sweet double jumper
Your finger's on the trigger but before you get to pull it
I'll take a sip of fizz and I'll go whizzing past your bullets
I am on it like a rocket on a course to freakin' pound ya
Call me supersonic 'cause I'm running rings around ya
I'm a dab hand with a sandman, I'm the baddest in the badlands
I'm a speed freak on a killstreak, see a blur then it's bang-bang

[Verse 2: The Stupendium]
I'm the Demo, boom goes my M.O
Tyrant from the highlands, getting violent on the bellows
The only thing more volatile than me would be my ammo
I'll leave you blown to pieces while my piece is screaming blammo
Did this have whisky in or was it nitroglycerine?
I'll find out on the way out if I'm spouting flaming piss again
'Cause if I live another day, my liver might go anyway
And I'd rather go in glory so in war, I won't be giving in
I suffer for my art, I've got sulphur on the heart
This tartan spartan's gonna tear you apart
Fire shots at the cyclops, it never ends well
Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together in Hell!
[Verse 3: The Stupendium]
Zoom, red dot, boom, headshot
Your head's got a new lead clot
Bring you to a dead stop, leave you with your head popped
Another target on my list that can be checked off
'Cause on a mission, I am viciously efficient
My vital's just my rifle and a set of jars to piss in
When it comes to assassins, you could say I'm high-calibre
Yanking my machete from your head like it's Excalibur
No mercy mercenary, I'll take you down like cattle when
My true forte's in 2Fort playing bloodsports on the battlements
Spray your brain 'fore you even know what's happening
Safe to say, no way that you'll be wearing hats again

[Chorus: The Stupendium & Harry Callaghan]
If you're seeing red or you're feeling blue
If you wanna bust caps and wear them too
If you like warfare in stylish headwear
Well, have we got the game for you
No, there isn't any greater military millinery simulator
We fight all day to find out who's
The most fashionable faction in TF2

[Verse 4: Harry Callaghan]
Listen up 'cause I won't say it again
You'd better not be sissies because war is not a game
Unless, of course, it's war games then I'm all for games
Hope you're keeping score because numerate, I sure ain't
I'm good at fighting, ask Sun Tzu
I taught him all he knows in the art of shovel-fu
Way back in ancient China, when I met him one night
He said "Soldier's really cool and the best at winning fights"
Now I win all the fight money wherever I go
'Cause my rockets go boom and then you explode
Now, the army told me that I was crazy
But I wrote this song so I'm clearly amazing
[Verse 5: The Stupendium]
Gentlemen, it won't be gentle when
I sneak into your base and steal the faces of your helpless friends
Stealing your briefcase really was a brief case
You think you're smart but I have the intelligence
Be a man, why do you have to die screaming?
I shoot you, take the loot and take my suit for dry cleaning
I'm not cheating, you ignorant swine
I creep in and sneak things right into your spine
When I fight with my butterfly, it stings like a bee
So tonight, tell your mother "Hi"
Give her a kiss from me
I'm debonair with deadly flair, I'm anyone and anywhere
The face your mother wakes to is the last you'll ever see

[Verse 6: Harry Callaghan]
I am heavy weapons guy, I make puny babies cry
You want to live? Rule One: Don't touch my gun!
May be slow, no need to rush ya
When I'm rolling with Natascha
Fill you dead with holes, we crush ya
Leave you cold like snow in Russia
Puny gun, I punch more damage
Chew you up for lunch like sandvich
Think you can outrun me? Prove it
I'd like to see you outrun bullet
[Chorus: The Stupendium & Harry Callaghan]
If you're seeing red or you're feeling blue
If you wanna bust caps and wear them too
If you like warfare in stylish headwear
Well, have we got the game for you
No, there isn't any greater military millinery simulator
We fight all day to find out who's
The most fashionable faction in TF2

[Verse 7: The Stupendium]
Howdy, the Engineer's in the field
Farm boy charm with a megaton yield
I've got a cranium laced with uranium
Dispense your offense with the weapons I wield
I'm hot stuff 'cause I've a hundred degrees
So if you boil my blood, you'll get burned on steam
I'm overqualified to leave you nullified and tan your sorry hide
You'd better run and hide or die by my machines
Just a friendly engie preventing entry with a deadly sentry
Each practical problem I solve, my skill mounts
The only thing higher than my IQ is my kill count

[Verse 8: The Stupendium]
Fire, fire, fire, fire!
Emboldened scolding folds of red and gold are my desire
It's my sacred duty, keep the beauty burning higher
Leave you dismembered in the embers
Every felling swells the pyre
I'm a terror from the nether, something that you've never seen
With a charcoal soul, heart pumping kerosene
You've met your match
You'll be a charred patch on the floorboards
I'll strike a match and strike the match off of the scoreboard
What's it matter if my brain's deranged when I snuff you out?
Boy, does it look lovely out, candy canes and fluffy clouds
Now I'm racking up the kills as I'm cranking up the grill
Easy to blow you away when you're just powder

[Verse 9: The Stupendium]
Got a little headache? You'd better call the medic
Were you wanting anesthetic? Really, don't be so pathetic
That burning is a bird within your sternum
That snuck in while I was working
But I think a bloody dove is quite a lovely aesthetic
You grazed your knee? Well, it seems to me
You need invasive exploratory surgery
See, I may have a little uncertainty
Between patient, specimen? Blur to me
Get the point of my syringes in your hiney?
I'll übercharge and buff you 'til you're shiny
I could fix you quick with my Medi Gun
The procedure's painless but that's no fun

[Chorus: The Stupendium & Harry Callaghan]
If you're feeling blue or you're seeing red
If what's on your mind's what's on your head
Who wants to battle when there's catalogues
Of hats to browse instead?
It's not how far you push the cart
What matters is the noble art
Of dressing heads in dandy threads
To wear whilst you are blown apart
If you're seeing red or you're feeling blue
If you wanna bust caps and wear them too
If you like warfare in stylish headwear
Well, have we got the game for you
No, there isn't any greater military millinery simulator
We fight all day to find out who's
The most fashionable faction in TF2

[Outro: The Stupendium]
Nobody has that many hats
It's ridiculous