[Wheatley]
Well, well, well
Welcome... TO MY LAIR!
Chell and a potato, huh?
Ooh, I'm really scared!
So you're the ones that want to take me out?
Ah ha ha; good luck!

You're joking; you are joking!
I can't believe my eye!
You're kidding me, you've gotta be!
Why won't you just die?
She's fat, you're starchy
I don't know which is worse
I might just blow a circuit
If I don't die laughing first!

When little old Wheatley says:
"There's trouble behind that door!"
You'd better pay attention now
Because I'm the Wheatley core!
And if you aren't shaking
Then there's something very wrong
Because this may be the last time
That you hear the Wheatley song!
Ooo-oooh!
[Turrets] Ooo-oooh!
[Wheatley] Ooo-oooh!
[Turrets] Ooo-oooh!
[Wheatley] Ooo-oooh!
[Turrets] Ooo-oooh!
He's the evil Wheatley core!

[Wheatley]
Well if I'm feeling bored
And there isn't much to do
I might just build a special batch
Of tests for you to do!
And do you know the ONE thing
That would make it not so nice?
A certain little potato
To add a little spice

[Turrets] Ooo-oooh!
[Wheatley] Oh yeah!
[Space Core] SPAAA-AACE!
[Wheatley] Ooo-ooh!
[Turrets] Ooo-ooh!
He's the evil Wheatley core!

[POTaDOS]
Relieve yourself or you must face
The dire consequences!
The subjects are expecting me
So please come to your senses!
[Wheatley]
You're joking, you are joking!
I can't believe my ears!
Would somebody shut this potato up?
I'm drowning in my tears!
You're funny; I'm laughing;
You really are too much!
And now, without your permission
I'm gonna do my stuff

[POTaDOS]
(spoken)
What are you going to do?
[Wheatley]
(spoken)
Eh, I'm gonna do the best I can!

[Instrumental Section]

[Wheatley]
Ahh...
The smell of neurotoxin
To me is beauty in the air!
Because I'm the brilliant Wheatley core
Although I don't play fair
It's much more fun, I must confess
When lives are on the line!
Not mine, of course, but yours, old girl
Now that'd be just fine!
[POTaDOS]
(spoken)
It's over, you moron!
You've really taken this too far!

[Wheatley]
Oh darling
You're something
You put me in a spin!
You aren't comprehending
The position that you're in!
It's hopeless; you're finished!
You're stuck here in my lair!
Because I'm clever old Wheatley
And you're not going...
Nowhere!