With my heart on my heart and my heart in my mouth
With arms that could reach o'er the sea
My feet might be big, but the insects are safe
They'll never get stood on by me

Harmless, harmless
With never no bother from me
I go to the library, take out a book
Then I come home for my tea

I save all the coupons that come with the soup
When I have saved fifty-three
I send away fifty, put three in the drawer
Something gets posted to me

Harmless, harmless
With never no bother from me
Do as I'm told and I tidy my room
Then I come home for my tea

There's one or two lads that I could call my chums
They're canny and meek as can be
There's Tom with his pigeons and Will with his mice
And Robert McClennan and me

Harmless, harmless
With never no bother from me
Go to the library, take out a book
Then I come home for my tea
Harmless, harmless
Never no bother from me
Nobody noticed that I wasn't there
If I didn't home for my tea