Don't know who I insulted, maybe it was you
The drinks I had resulted in a tirade or two
I went downtown to get in trouble
I accomplished that
Drank some drinks, flew off the handle
Right off of the bat

Drinks before dinner
And wine with dinner
And after-dinner drinks
Single-entendre, help me Rhonda
Look for my cufflinks
Come with me and you will see
It all will be all right
Rudolph the red-nosed wino
Is gonna guide our sleigh tonight

Sometimes when I drink too much
The next day I can't think
Sometimes when I drink too much
The next day I can't drink
Sometimes when I drink too much
I feel like throwing up
Sometimes when I drink too much
I cannot get it up
Drinks before dinner
And wine with dinner
And after-dinner drinks
Single-entendre, help me Rhonda
Look for my cufflinks
Come with me and you will see
It all will be all right
Rudolph the red-nosed wino
Is gonna guide our sleigh tonight

They say the drink will shrivel my liver
And also wreck my looks
But my hero is Dino Martin
I like Foster Brooks
I know a little cozy joint
Where you and I can go
Let's us spend a lost weekend
Under the volcano

Drinks before dinner
And wine with dinner
And after-dinner drinks
Single-entendre, help me Rhonda
Look for my cufflinks
Come with me and you will see
It all will be all right
Rudolph the red-nosed wino
Is gonna guide our sleigh tonight
Keep your hemp and your mushrooms
Your smack and Nembutal
Me, I'm into fruit and grains
Gimme a1cohol
Call me thirsty, call me oral
Call me what you like
But when I'm sober, call me Loudon
Do not call me Mike

Drinks before dinner
And wine with dinner
And after-dinner drinks
Single-entendre, help me Rhonda
Search for missing links
Come with me and you will see
It all will be all right
Rudolph the red-nosed wino
Is gonna guide our sleigh tonight