Verse 1:
They got drunk last night
At a knockout, drag out fight
She was determined
And he saw it his way
He threw a tantrum
And she threw an ashtray
They got drunk last night
How's this for a: How do you do?
(How do you do?)
He's unfaithful and she's untrue
They're each their own masters
They're their own bosses
They reserve rhe right
To employ doubles crosses
How's this for a fine: How do you do?
(How do you do?)

Bridge: You'd need a chair
And a whip
To control their relationship
("How do you do?")

Verse 2:
Once they were lovers
And practically best friends
Now he's into bondage
And she's into revenge
You'd need a chair
And a whip
If one of them should die
I suppose that the other would cry
There'd be tears of sorrow
And tears of great grief
Or else there'd be tears of release
And of relief
If one of them should die