[1st refrain:]
The secret service makes me nervous
When I am dating they are waiting to observe us
When I get ready to hold steady for the kiss you plant
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't

They're always spying, no denying
They're always peeping, gumshoe creeping, private eye-ing
When I'm beginning to give-inning like a maiden aunt
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't

I've been exposed beyond control
Just like a goldfish in a bowl
The President's daughter must drink water
No drink of Scotch, she might do what she hadn't oughter
When I'm ignited, so excited that I start to pant

The secret service makes me nervous
When my lamps are lit and I say "This is it!"
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't

[2nd refrain:]
The secret service makes me nervous
Those White House "dicks" get all their kicks when they observe us
Just as I wind up, make my mind up not to say "I won't"
The secret service makes me nervous and I don't
When things look rosy they get nosy
They'll say there's "tootsie" playing "footsie" very cosy
My pulse goes higher, I'm on fire, shaking at the knees
The secret service makes me nervous and I freeze

Whatever I may do or say
Will be reported the next day
They don't see clearly when I'm merely being courted
When I'm just necking, simply pecking with a "Cary Grant"

They stand behind me to remind me
Who and what I am when I don't give a damn
The secret service makes me nervous and I can't