[Verse:]
What makes you think I'm crazy about you?
What makes you think I can't do without you?
I've looked you over carefully
And if I never see you again, it's soon enough for me

[1st refrain:]
I hate the ground you walk upon
I hate the phone you talk upon
I hate 'most ev'rything that you do

I hate the table and the cloth you eat on
I hate the sofa that you rest your seat on

I hate the rouge upon your lips
The polish on your finger tips
I hate your eyes of heavenly blue

I hate the way you sigh, honest I do
Outside of that, I love you

[2nd refrain:]
I hate the way you comb your hair
I hate the flashy clothes you wear
I hate the patent shine on your shoe
I hate the closet that you keep your clothes in
I hate the handkerchief you blow your nose in

I hate the smell of your cigar
The way you lean against a bar
I hate the jokes you tell that are blue

I hate that fancy tie, honest I do
Outside of that, I love you

[3rd refrain:]
I hate the notes you write to me
The verses you recite to me
Your conversation flowing like glue

I hate the way you watch me through your lorgnette
I hate your children that have not been born yet

I hate the dates you fix for me
The cocktails that you mix for me
Those etchings you may want me to view

I hate the way you lie, honest I do
Outside of that, I love you

[4th refrain:]
I hate the song you sing to me
I hate the flow'rs you bring to me
I hate your phony "How do you do?"
I hate the way you always break my dance up
I hate those rubber things that keep your pants up

I hate the cigarette you smoke
The way you kill a funny joke
I hate the brand of gum that you chew

I hate the way you lie, honest I do
Outside of that, I love you

[Alternate lines in 1st Chorus:]
I hate that funny little mouth you drink with
That peanut on your shoulders that you think with