Sammy:
No one tells you how you ought to live
No one glares when you do jello shooters

Guys:
Jello

Sammy:
No one says that you're insensitive cause her birthday meal took place at Hooters

Guys:
Hooters

Sammy:
No one tells you that your bald spot's grown
Or that you ought to tone your flab

Guys:
Tone your flab

Sammy:
So pour a double gin
Here's to your double chin

All:
Yeah, start the party
Start a tab
Sammy:
Cause you're

All:
Single

Sammy:
You are

All:
Single

Sammy:
And you'll keep staying single if you're smart

Guys:
If you are smart

Sammy:
Yeah, you're single
You are single
No chick will ever moonwalk on your heart

Guys:
Moonwalk on your heart
Sammy:
Trust me

All:
This is when the good times really start

Sammy:
No one minds the laundry on your floor

Ricky:
No one pouts with every chick you look at

Bum:
No one tries to clean your porno drawer

Sammy:
No one traps you with

Sammy, George, Ricky & Bum:
"does my ass look fat?"

George:
Bust a move in women's underwear
While you're blasting Cher or wham

Guys:
Cher or wham!
Sammy, George, Ricky & Bum:
So fill your ranger's cup
The toilet seat stays up
The fridge gets stocked with beer and spam

George:
Cause you're

All:
Single

George:
You are

All:
Single

George:
Not a care in the world can bother you

Guys:
Can bother you

George:
You are single
You are single
You can do what you've always wanted to

Guys:
Always wanted to

George:
Well, no commitments

Sammy, George, Ricky & Bum:
Cause you're only passing through

(rap)
Ricky:
Yo, making a date with some needy girl
Is a waste of my time and my jheri curl

Sammy:
I don't need a girl who don't understand
When I got a date with my left hand

Bum:
Well, I like the ladies, heaven knows
But in the words in Nietzsche, "bro's before ho's"

George:
Now, I don't like a girl who'll cry and bawl
In fact, I never liked girls at all

Robbie:
Sammy, George, Ricky, and Bum:
I'm starting to see where you're coming from

Robbie:
Cause I'm

All:
Single

Robbie:
Oh, yeah

All:
Single

Robbie:
I'll behave like a dude's meant to behave

Guys:
Meant to behave

Robbie:
Always single
Ever single
Single now and till I'm in my grave

All:
Single till I am lying in my grave

Sammy:
Though at times I might want someone to hold me tight
And promise me that everything'll be all right

(spoken)
Bum:
Everything'll be all right

Sammy:
Thanks, man

(sung)
All:
I'll stay single till I'm rotting slowly in my lonely forgotten grave