[Intro: Spoken]
Well you hear a lotta talk these days about homeland security. Sounds to me like someone's gonna make some serious money out of it in the usual way. Now I've got all the home security I need, and he's a bargain

[Verse 1]
Well I got a dog in this fight, I got troops on the ground
His name is old Spayed Kooley, and he's the meanest dog in town
But if you think I'm foolin' try bustin' in through the door
He'll tear you a whole brand new one and you won't come back no more

[Bridge]
Spayed's a good dog, he's really bad
He's the best pal this poor boy ever had

[Verse 2]
Now Spayed might get suspicious when first you chance to meet
So if you come a-callin' you better wipe your feet
And empty out your pockets, let him see your hands
Be sure to talk good English so he can understand

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 3]
Now Spayed likes mariachis, loves to hear 'em croon
I know he'll be watchin' if the fiddles ain't in tune
When you come 'round to our table you better play it sweet
Or it's adios muchachos down on Olivera Street
[Outro]
Spayed's a good dog, yeah he's really fine
So if you want to be a friend of mine
Just pledge allegiance to our flag, try to sing on key
And you won't have no problem with my dog Spayed Kooley