I was driving to a gig just the other day
When president Obama said marriage was okay
Not just for the straights but also for the gays
And like most Americans, I was amazed
Gay people have to get married now?
Haven't they suffered enough?
But I figured fair was fair, I was cool with it

When I got to my gig this guy told me the president was evil
Said it was written all there in his bible
I looked over his shoulder
I said what book is this?
He said the all mighty book of Leviticus
Check it out John, chapter eighteen verse twenty two
No dude should lie down with another dude
I mean that’s a paraphrase, but that's basically what it said

Now I had gone to catholic school but I had forgotten that little rule
So I borrowed his bible, I kept reading on
Wanted to see what else Leviticus thought was wrong
So here's a list of some other things Leviticus thinks is wrong
I hope that’s okay

Oh Leviticus, Leviticus
You're in the bible so they take you serious
Are you too old?
Are you still relevant, oh my sweet Leviticus?
Chapter nineteen, verse nineteen said a few interesting things
It said don't let cows graze with other kinds of cows
Don't plant more than one crop in the same field
And don't wear clothes made of more than one kind of fabric
Hmm I pause here to let that sink in
I also pause because not much rhymes with fabric

Chapter nineteen, verse twenty seven says you
Shouldn't cut your hair or shave your beard ever
I know to most of us it doesn't sound like much fun
But I've got some hippy friends out in California, they love that one

Verse four of chapter twenty says you should be stoned to death if you curse your mommy or your daddy
Verse fourteen of chapter twenty four says you should be stoned to death if you ever blasphemed the lord
Ouch
I should mention, there’s a lot of stoning to death in this book
And if any of my hippy friends from California are here tonight
And they don’t know what stoning to death means
Come talk to me after the show
You're not gonna like it

Chapter eleven, verses four through seven
Gave a list of animals thou shalt not eat
I read it to them
First, camel
No problem
Next, rabbit
Okay
Third, pig
Ugh oh
He looked nervous
He had that look, that look of
I still want to be intolerant
But I also want to eat bacon
Finally, we got to the big one
Chapter eighteen verse twenty two
Whenever two men lay together, they should be stoned
Well, sounds good to me

Oh Leviticus, Leviticus
You’re in the bible so they take you serious
Are you too old?
Are you still relevant, oh my sweet Leviticus?

I was having fun reading and learning all this stuff
When the guy grabbed his bible and told me to stop
Packed up his things, ran off real quick
It was the first time in history where a guy with a bible
Actually forced someone to stop reading
It was great

Now the election is over, I don't care about your vote
And I don't care what your religion is
I would just hope if people could get worked up over stuff like that
Then maybe they could get worked up about stuff
That is way way way more important
Yeah
Like feeding people, healing sick people, loving your neighbor
You know, no big deal
Just all that Jesus stuff