[Verse 1]
Hey there little kids, my name's Jared, I'm a friend
Can I eat a sandwich with you?
How 'bout a footlong, wheat or white, what kinda bread?
Help me squeeze the mayo out this tube

[Pre-Chorus]
Got my mind on your body and your body's only 9
Have a taste of my Teriyaki sauce, you wanna try?
Don't tell your mother
Kiss the cucumber
It's time for supper
I'm the footlong lover

[Refrain]
5
5 dollar foot
5 dollar footdong

[Chorus]
Put me down, you scream and start to cry
Don't be scared, just have a little bite
I'm Jared, I'm the subway guy
Let's do a line
I'm the footlong lover
[Verse 2]
Guess how many kids I could fit in these pants
Have you had the meatballs? They're good
Yes I like my subs like I like my women
I like them 6 and 12, yeah

[Pre-Chorus]
Got my mind on your body and your body's only 9
Add some chips and a drink for just a dollar ninety-nine
Go get your brother
I got a boner
Would you like that toasted?
I'm the footlong lover

[Refrain]
5
5 dollar foot
5 dollar footdong

[Chorus]
Take a bath with me and close the blinds
Here's some ranch, you got it in your eye
I tuck my shirt in all the time
Now you know why
I'm the footlong lover
[Refrain]
5
5 dollar foot
5 dollar footdong

[Bridge]
Shhh
I gotta boner
Uhh... I'll have the kids meal with extra kids
Got my mind on your body
And your body's only 9
C'mon guys
Even Michael Jackson got three second chances
Have a taste of my Minisub, it grows into a Grinder
How about if I go through your Craigslist history?
Wanna know what my favourite sub is?
Turkey Ham

[Chorus]
Eat this double meaty yummy sub
Tell your parents that you played outside
Chicken's still in the microwave
Each fuckin' time
I'm the footlong lover
Turkey ham
I'm the footlong lover
I like kids, is that a fuckin' crime?
No, please don't fuckin' start to cry
Or you will die
I'm the footlong lover
[Refrain]
5
5 dollar foot
5 dollar footdong
I'm the footlong lover