[Verse 1]
Hear a knock on the door, it's the cops again
(We know you're in there)
Said, "Hold on, could I finish my chicken?"
(Almost done with this bucket)
They said, "We got a report that you did some shit"
(SHEIT!)
I said, "Please officer, let me explain"
(I'm a splain you)
You see I'm a Black man
In Arabic they call me Abed
It's Mooley in Italian
But if you ask the Jews how to say it
They'll say

[Chorus]
I am a Shvartza
Playin magic cards-tza
Throwin me some darts-tza
Tryin to have Fun
I am a Shvartza
Stealin shoppin carts-tza
Wish upon a star-tza
Swingin round my gun

[Bridge 1]
(Nice try pal)
(You're coming with us)
Break into yo house
(I'm tellin' you the truf man)
(Tell it to the judge)
Lemme take yo couch
(Thanks man)
[Verse 2]
Police took me to jail where I stayed all day
(I remember this place)
(Woogie boogie)
Took me weed, and my gun, and my Gucci shades
(Where my Shades, man?)
(I can't see)
Went to court and the judge said, "What do you say?"
(How do you plead young man?)
I said your honor, lemme talk if I may
(May I 'proach this court)
I'm a n***a you see
Maw la cha in Cantonese
Vaole zwetzak in Flemish
Fuzzy in British
And the way to say it in Yiddish is

[Chorus]
I am a Shvartza
Drawin' me some hearts-tza
Doin' crafts and arts-tza
Never met my son
I am a Shvartza
Lettin' out some farts-tza
Oops that was a Shart-tza
Fried Kool-Aid for lunch
[Bridge 2]
(I sentence you to death row)
(The record label?)
Break into yo House
(But I'm only 35, man)
(I ain't even finish high school)
Can I stay on yo couch?
(Any last words?)

[Verse 3]
I'm a Shvartza
Ridin golf carts
In the park
In the dark
And I'm eatin' Pop Tarts-tza
When fire starts
You know I ain't far-tza
Burn down the city
'Cause I finish what I start-tza
Your dog barks at me
When I walk by
I'm like why
But I'm smart
Steal your car
For it's parts-tza
End up behind bars
Watching Bill Maher
And I keep gettin' my ass beat
By the jail guards
[Chorus]
Shvartza
Shoppin at Walmart -tza
I don't work too hard-tza
Hanging in the sun
I am Ben Carson
Driving in my car-son
Drinking at the bar-son
Presidential run
(I will be running for office of America)
Break in the White House
(It's the job I need)
(Under conditions of my parole)
C'mon man, this my House
(And I also sellin' magazine subscriptions)
Break into yo house

[Outro]
(And so I ask you American people to vote my ass President)
(Please)