[Intro]
You know I just don't get it
Last year I lived with my wife
And three little girls
This year I got half the neighborhood
Moved into my townhouse
What you need help with?
It's called room and board, bitch
Get the fuck out of here

[Chorus]
You see I'm
Just Danny Tanner (Danny Tanner)
I'm just a hell of a guy
I don't know what Michelle would do
Without me (Do without me)
Everybody in the world
Seem to now
Be part of my family (Part my family)
Now everybody's got a problem
And my job's to make them
Happy (Make them happy)

[Verse 1]
Yo, you might see me walkin'
My dumb dog Comet
Named after the powder
We throw into the toilet
This mutt's not ours
His mama snuck into thе
House without knockin'
Dropped some puppiеs
Out of her cunt
And took off
My daughter thought we won't
Notice the dog barkin'
Gave birth on my property
Like a Mexican hopper
Who's fuckin' bed is this?
Jesse Katsopolis
Mullet head
Another freeloader
On my premises
Joey Gladstone
Unfunniest of comics
Dumbass
Toe head means
Your hair's got jaundice
Oh, c'mon now
Cut it out
Cut it out?
How bout I cut you out of my
Fuckin' list of dependents
My fuckin' daughter must
Not know what a garage is
Reversed Joey's car into the
Fuckin' dishwasher
I'm so proud
My baby can't park
At least my dead wife
Never saw her turn out retarded
How Rude
Never saw Michelle
Turn juvenile culprit
Disobeys me to stay up late
And watch Arsenio Hall
You got it, dude
Got what bitch?
You and Comet
Uncle Jesse
And half the zip code
Livin' at my address?
Oh, I see
Jesse thinks this house
Isn't mine (Oh)
Turned my basement
Into a studio
And signed him a record deal
With a guy who's got the
Same Elvis hair he's got
Who he probably met on
Epstein's pedophile island
[Bridge]
Jesse and The Ripper
Never had a hit
Their music
Sounds like shit
The Japs still gave
Those faggots
A number one club hit
They said fuck it (Ah)

[Verse 2]
Jesse Katsopolis don't want me
To play in his cringe
Little 90s
Beach Boys cover band
Then he hired Viper
Who banged my kid DJ
Damn V
You're almost as bad
As Tommy Page
Hittin' on Stephanie (Do you like me?)
A couple of pedos
Watch over my girls
Then some ghetto nerd
Crosses over
Into my world
Did I do that?
Do what?
99% of crimes committed
Between 1981 and current year? (Huh?)
A house with three dudes
But not gay (Nah)
FBI probably
Got a pedo file on me (Shit)
Wake up San Francisco
It's Chris Hansen
Sit down
Tell me why you told
Little baby Michelle
To bend down (Let go)
And remove diaper
With two men that have been found
To spend time with kids
Every time their dad went out (Heehee)
Look at the fed
Circle the house again
We got three minors living
In a house of men
And I don't need help
From these men
With givin'
My female kids
Bathes and a scene with
Uncle Jesse's penis
Teenagers
They're Goddamn teenagers
Let em change clothes without you
Joey, you pederast
[Chorus]
'Cause I'm
Just Danny Tanner
I get arrested for inviting
Pedophiles into
My addy (To my addy)
Apparently every fuckin' pedophile
Needs to live around me (Live around me)
Tell everybody in the fuckin' world
To come move in with me (Move in with me)

[Verse 3]
Is it because you love me
That you all fuckin' live above me?
Aunt Becky and two more fuckin' kids
Now live with hubby
Now because this
Hot talk show thot
Got knocked up
Then my top floor block
Is her locked spot?
The other townhouse next door
Is fuckin' empty
Their only kid is
Always fuckin' here
Kimmy Gibbler
Oh, I just
Stopped by to air out my feet
Use your telephone
Eat your food
And go down on
Uncle Jesse
My fuckin' fat daughter
Gettin' plowed by that kid
He's like a fuckin'
Discount Kmart
Kirk Cameron
Shit guess just stop by
After football practice
I'll just be here payin' off
The mortgage and taxes
Which is it, Jesse?
Katsopolous
Or Cochran
Con man
Faggot
Runnin' around
With a fake mustache
Rapin' Becky
In the kitchen
While the audience laughs
So tell me
What the hell's a fella to do?
For every season that passes
Another relative
Moves in (Hey!)
Jesse's uncle
Show up to
Scream and act stupid
Joey Gladstone
With his hand up the ass
Of a woodchuck
The kid from Kindergarten Cop
Singin' shit with Joey
Suddenly we know who taught him
About penises and pussies
Now Michelle brings her
Friends around
Let's allow everybody to
Watch the game at my house (Great)
And then to top it off
My sister's got a chimpanzee
Who's probably related
To the Greek side of the family
I step out of the house
For a donkey weekend
Get back and see
Jesse's playin' songs
With his friends
Okay
Lemme show you how I really do feel
Uh, here
Meet the Benell
Eat up some shells
Now I finally could just have this
Fuckin' house to myself
Goodnight Donna, Jo
Stephanie and Michelle
[Chorus]
'Cause I'm
Just Danny Tanner (Danny Tanner)
I'm not a negative guy
But I don't want all these fucks
Around me (Fucks around me)
Nobody ever else
Pays the rent
Especially not Becky (Cially not Becky)
I'm gonna sit enjoy the quiet now
Fuck Uncle Jesse (Uncle Jesse)
You see I'm
Just Danny Tanner (Danny Tanner)
I'm just a hell of a guy
I don't know what Michelle would do
Without me (Do without me)
Everybody in the world
Seem to now
Be part of my family (Part my family)
Now everybody's got a problem
And my job's to make them
Happy (Make them happy)