I hate the city of Chicago
Man, this place feels like nowhere
And the traffic makes getting nowhere take that much longer
I hate the Cubs, the Sox, the Blackhawks and the Bulls

I couldn't give a shit about the Pumpkins, Slint or Wilco
Learn to make a pizza you fucking jack-offs
Say hello back when someone says hello, you asshole
I hate O'Hare, I hate Midway, I can't stand Chicago

Oh, the best part is leaving
'Cause maybe one day I'll never come back again
And If I die in this shithole
Float my corpse down the Calumet
'Cause I'd rather rot in Gary
Miller Beach may actually be paradise

(Alright, Christ, you caught me
This is actually just another divorce song)
Maybe it's not all of Cook County's fault
But it feels like another dogshit day in Suck City
Jesus Christ, could you assholes at least learn how to drive?
Yeah, fuck XRT and fuck Lollapalooza
You and all of your self-righteous hipster 'hoods can go to hell
I especially hate Bridgeport 'cause that's where she lives
For every reason that she loves it, I can't stand Chicago
Oh, when I head north on Lake Shore Drive
I fly and I close my eyes
And I reach the magic point
And I run for magic miles
Yeah, when I head north on Lake Shore Drive
I fly and I close my eyes
And I reach the magic point
And I run for magic miles

Lake Michigan becomes an ocean and I know
Somewhere beyond it is waiting, just for me
No matter how high you dickheads build it
You'll only ever be in Illinois
And that'll always be way too close to Missouri